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new slot channel buckeye slots new and exciting slot videos and everything casinos please check out like and subscribe new videos coming soon submitted by buckeyeslots to slotvideos [link] [comments]

CBL World Rankings: End of Season 3 Edition

CBL World Rankings: End of Season 3 Edition
What a fantastic season we have had. Brand new celebs (well, celebs brand new to CLB), a new champion, a new betting system, a new ranking system, and tokens just for posting your thoughts! What more could you ask for?
Whilst we're waiting on the La Lega finale result, which may still create a mini-drama on the WR, here are the final headlines covering days 3 and 4 of the week.

Scarlett may have lost her championship, but she is still the highest ranked celeb on CBL
Premier League
Natalie Portman has found herself fighting some tough battles in this season, and there was no doubt that it would be tough against Alexandra Daddario. Scoring 56 to Alexandra's 103, Natalie clearly lost this round and has been relegated to league 2 in season 4. Portman drops 10 to 48 whilst Daddario climbs 1 into 5th place.
u/JustSoGinger
Daddario's youtube channel has been a shining light in these dark times we live in right now, thank the lord 🙏
The final Premier League battle of the season saw Scarlett Johansson and Anna Kendrick square up against each other. Scarlett managed to draw more votes in this battle, winning 98-54. Scarlett remains in 1st place on the World Rankings whilst Anna Kendrick have been knocked down 7 places into 14th, mainly due to the performances of others this week.
u/Dugonginae
Scarlett's had more losses than she deserves in my eyes, hopefully time for a late comeback.

League 2
Jessica Alba and Kristen Bell in a battle of the boobage here. Alba looking mighty fine and nippy whilst Kristen's cleavage is enhanced by a tight red wet outfit. The real winners were clearly us voters who were treated to such a battle. There were only 10 votes in it and the win went to Kristen Bell. Despite her win, Bell drops 3 on the WR into 26th whilst Alba drops 1 into 45th.
u/Dojo_Casino
Voting Kristen here. Tough decision- I'm a fan of both ladies, but Kristen's sparkling personality and mom boobs lovely swimwear won me over.
Final League 2 battle is the Mother of Dragons, known for various nude scenes throughout the Game of Thrones series, versus the Scarlet Witch, known for being a badass hero in the MCU. The nudity only assisted Clarke in achieving a 17 vote lead to win this round. Clarke climbs 4 into 11th, whilst Olsen also climbs 57 into 59th!
u/OTT_4TT
I voted for Emilia because I just think she is more attractive. If it had been Elizabeth's sister, Ashley, had been up for a vote versus Emilia, I would have voted for Ashley.
OTT, perhaps consider nominating Ashley Olsen for Season 4. We may end up with an Olsen-v-Olsen battle at some point!

League 3
KB vs KC for D3-L3's battle. Kate Beckinsale vs Kaley Cuoco. I don't think many would be surprised given how the season has played out so far that Beckinsale not only won, but won by quite a bit. 64 votes in fact! Beckinsale retains her 4th place position whereas Cuoco drops 16 places into 355th.
u/TheSnickerdoodleKid
Kaley is not getting relegated or promoted regardless of the result which should be at least some consolation since Kate is winning this. As age-defying as ever, Kate will wrap up an undefeated Season 3 campaign.
Ruby Roundhouse, better known as Karen Gillan, took on fellow Disney star Vanessa Hudgens on the final battle of League 3 this season. Despite very different appearances and appeal, this one ended up in a league draw with a single vote giving Gillan the lead. Karen Gillan drops 2 into 24th this week whilst Hudgens climbs 7 into 39th.
u/TheClockwork0
I love matchups like this that make me choose between very different assets. Karen is so tight, but she has softer features overall. Vanessa rocks a more badass look with thicker features. I voted Vanessa today, but I could vote Karen any day.

League 4
Katherine McNamara vs Hailee Steinfeld, one with the appearance of a girl next door beauty vs a swimsuit beauty. This was another closely fought battle that ended up in a league draw. McNamara managed to swing the extra few votes to end this battle with a slight lead. McNamara ends this week in 53rd place whilst Steinfeld drops 9 into 70th.
u/AutonInvasion
Hailee has the better outfit here, and if I ignore the man with the weird back triangle next to her butt then it’s even better.
But there’s something about the simplicity of McNamara’s photo (and the fiery hair which I like) that makes me swing left on this one
(I don't want the 20 tokens, but this one generated the most discussion - which is the criteria I set - so whilst no tokens for me, don't forget to interact with each other if you can!)
Ariana Grande and Camilla Cabello both started this season fairly low down on the WR, so it would have been fair to have assumed that they would have ended low in the rankings. Cabello, with those amazing thighs...has stayed down the bottom, whilst Grande has managed a slow climb. With the match ended at 46-83 it's no surprise that Grande finishes up 5 this week in 353rd whilst Cabello is last but one in 378th place.
In response to u/Sharpus89 suggesting that u/willrelf1992 votes for both, Will decided his devotion was enough for him to decide who his winner was:
As much as I would like to do that, I have to stick with Ari and vote for her solely. I love Camila but not as much as I love my bae. 😍

League 5A
A young bottle blonde with an inviting expression and her legs on display vs a slightly older bottle blonde with an inviting expression and her boobs on display. That's the battle Chloe Grace Moretz and Alice Eve gave us this week. The majority decided they wanted to learn how to park an 18 Wheeler in that massive gap between Eve's airbags which sees Alice climb 9 places into 49th. Moretz drops 25 into 76th place.
u/hbkedge3
They're both giving me the "come hither" look, so I guess I have to vote for both! :)
Neither Melissa Benoist nor Emma Roberts have had much support this season, and perhaps compared to some of the other season competitors they perhaps don't stand out, but I would still happily have them on each arm giving me their unfettered attention. Melissa wins this one by 38 votes and climbs 3 into 359th whilst Emma sits at third from last in 377th.
u/hsikrut
I think both are beautiful and adorable, but Melissa is the prettier of the two. Not sure why shes not more appreciate around here, especially with a body like that!

League 5B
Here's another pairing I could go wild about: Olivia Wilde vs Cobie Smulders. This is the last time I'll get to say it for a short while, but that outfit of Wilde's just wins my eyes over every time. It seems that a majority of you felt the same way as Wilde beat Smulders by 23 votes. Wilde sits in a very respectable 56th place this week whilst Smulders, although climbing 1 to 363rd, is far too low on the table for my liking.
Another for u/hsikrut here, for an interesting take that defies my own thinking:
I think I'm the only one, but I really cant stand this photo of Wilde. Its off-putting for me. She'll garner my vote because I know how much of a smoke show she naturally is, regardless. Apologies to the beautiful Cobie (although that's not her strongest photo either)
Having just re-watched The Amazing Spider-man 2 tonight, I can't help but feel a little biased here. Although I've consistently said that this is one of Rihanna's hottest photos, I would have still voted for the stunning Emma Stone this round, and the majority did with Stone winning by 41 votes. Stone climbs 7 and finishes in 40th. Rihanna climbs 1 to 376th.
u/alisonbrie78 joined in discussion about Rihanna's performances and future standings:
Bliss vs Rhianna in particular could be interesting. The WWE girls have really struggled.
I don't mind Rhianna but I've noticed that actresses do better than singers around here and Rhianna may also be past her prime.

Transitional League
Another pair of celebs who have both separately struggled this season. Eva Green vs Lily James. I'm not sure why both have struggled so badly but can only put it down to them being outclassed in the transitional league. Fighting a close battle, Eva Green won by 9 votes seeing her climb 2 places into 370th, whilst Luly James stays put in 375th.
u/alisonbrie78 created discussion with this:
Eva Green is criminally underrated. I have a feeling a lot of people haven't admired her in The Dreamers which is admittedly an odd movie.
Mary Elizabeth Winstead vs Nina Dobrev for the TL's final match of the season. MEW has had quite a following, however Nina has had more wins this season. So, who took the win? By 10 points it was Nina Dobrev who climbs 4 into 51st. Winstead also climbs 21 into 296th.
u/RazorbackBuckeye
The only few people I can think of i'd probably vote over Mary Elizabeth Winstead would be :Keira Knightley, Natalie Portman and Lacey Chabert.... So sorry Nina Dobrev.
I don't recall Lacey Chabert appearing on the WR so far. Perhaps another to suggest for season 4? We could end up with a Meg-off: The original voice of Meg Griffin vs the current voice of Meg Griffin. Keep an eye out on how you can get your favourite celebs into the next season as we near the end of the Card Battle Tournament.

Conference Premier A
Rebel Wilson vs Kristin Kreuk. Vote Rebel! Vote Rebel. Vote Rebel. Vote Reeeebel.😥
Rebel remains in last place whilst Kreuk climbs 11 places into 271st.
u/Dojo_Casino
I'm going with Rebel here, and it's not even a sympathy vote. Kristin does have an interesting look to her, but I honestly like the new Rebel.
Whilst I'm sure this can be said about many matches, being a teen in the 2000s, the match up between Elle Fanning and Kelly Brook is like voting between a girl and a real woman. Elle Fanning can stand up to many, but Kelly Brook is an all rounder and I feel that went a long way to her winning by 35 votes. Brook narrowly misses out from a top-10 slot by 1.1 WR points, whereas Fanning drops 9 places into 342nd.
For making me laugh, u/COFFEE_BROOM
Elle Fanning’s face says “shit it’s the one who beat Lima” 😂

Conference Premier B
In what for me was one of the toughest non-PL votes in the competition, Camila Mendes and Julia Fox battled this last but one CPB match. Both celebs are sex on legs in these photos, one in a stunning dress, and another in a stunning manner of undress. This was another where there were only 10 votes between them, and in this case the win went to Mendes in the red dress. Mendes climbs 2 to 365th, whilst Julia Fox drops 2 to 367th.
u/Dugonginae
Had barely heard of Camila at the start of this tournament but that red dress has won more than a couple votes from me, and it does it again here.
And the final match of the season, Alejandra Guilmant vs Doutzen Kroes. Both stunning and both worthy of getting the finger...on the touchscreen (or mouse click) to vote for. It seems that the spread of Guilmant took in the most votes over Kroes's fine rear, but only by 9 votes. Alejandra climbs 4 places into 362nd whilst Kroes drops 4, sitting 2 below her opponent in 364th.
u/JustSoGinger
Surprised Doutzen hasn't done better this season, sad to see her relegated, she's super hot imo

Quote of the Day
I've noticed a great decline in comment numbers this week, and a lot of the humour is missing. However, it's been great to see that whilst comments are down, the discussion is on the rise.
The winner of the 50 tokens for Day 3 goes to u/DojoCasino for the League 2 comment. Mom-boobs are great. All boobs are great! Well, perhaps with few exceptions...but most boobs are great!
The winner for Day 4 is u/TheClockwork0 for his comment in the League 3 battle that redeemed itself at the end with positivity for Karen Gillan.

World Rankings Chart
Emma Watson has taken the championship from Scarlett Johansson and takes the ten bonus points. However, there's still a large gap between Emma and Scarlett which may not be challenged until season 4. Although I think the biggest changes are that Anna Kendrick have been knocked out of the top 10! I wonder how the non-league celebs will fare in the Ajuste de Rango tournament starting next week? Time will tell.
What do you think of the season results? How did your favourite celebs do? Anyone dealt a harsher blow than they should have?
Adjustments still to be made for La Lega finale
submitted by AutonInvasion to CelebBattleLeague [link] [comments]

Watching. . .

Watching football today makes absolutely no sense. I watch myself and saw on ESPN ticker that the Browns and Bengals are allowed to have 6,000 fans at a game.
But.....
The Buckeyes can not fucking play.....100 some kids waiting on their moment to shine.
High school is playing.....this is just a complete mess and has nothing to do with a disease or jeopardizing health at this point. I see more people out to eat, at a casino, at a bar, getting take out, etc. Then you'd see at a crowdless game at the Horseshoe.
The NCAA is officially a mess from not paying student athletes who generate BILLIONS, to this shit.
Let's get the season started!!!!
submitted by SmashingBooks18 to OhioStateFootball [link] [comments]

Planning for a weird night

Looking to plan a night out from about 10pm to 8am and see some of Columbus' finest 24/7 nighttime spots. No, not looking for some weird/sexual adult fun, just kind of normal adult fun/people watching, thinking places like Columbus Bowling Palace, TeeJays (are they still around?) or other interesting non-bar spots where folks gather socially.
If you have ideas to share, please do. I will share what my final agenda is before I head out and will report back on things if there is any interest.
My short list of ideas so far looks like this (but am not tied to the times per se)
EDITED (thanks for suggestions, will advise when rolling out for anyone who wants to accidentally join the shit show)(just don't talk to me)(jk)(I have long hair)(M/40)
10pm - 11pm: Studio 35 (h/t u/reeve11)
11pm - 12am: Roller Skate place (161 exit)
12am - 12:30am: Walmart (Fitzy's by popular vote)
12:30am-1am: Tee Jayes (for a cup of shitty coffee)
1am - 2am: Waffle House (airport h/t u/actuallyhelpful)
2am - 3am: Bowling Palace (she beat me by a single pin last time, need redemption)
enroute: Buckeye Donuts (South High St h/r u/dlm85)
3am - 4am: Scioto Downs
4am - 5am: Hollywood Casino
5am - 6am: Slow drive to downtown via W Broad St.
Negotiable based on sunrise: Tommy's Diner
6am: - 7am: Bi-centennial
7am - 8am: Pauls on Fifth(?)/Twilight Bone
submitted by mtoomey79 to Columbus [link] [comments]

US State & Territory Nicknames/Slogans (Which are your favorite? / least favorite?)

From these two wikipedia articles
State + Territory nicknames and tourism slogans (some of the following are meant to disparage the place it refers to):
Alabama
Alaska
American Samoa
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
District of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Guam
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachussetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Northern Mariana Islands
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Puerto Rico
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
US Virgin Islands
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
submitted by glowdirt to namenerds [link] [comments]

Growing up with irresponsible parents. I had a normal life until they separated. Mom soon became homeless. Dad struggles with gambling addiction, leaving me, his 14 yr old daughter to stay with friends after losing everything. It's been 3 years, the addiction is worse. Nothings changed. I'm 17 now.

Well i don't even know where to begin, let me just say we were a middle class family for the most part. We weren't rich but we had a nice apartment for a family of 4. My mom left my dad when i was about 8 or 9. My brother stayed at the apartment with my Dad, and i went with my Mom. I lived with her and her boyfriend till i was about 10, my mom and her boyfriend got avicted from their new apartment due to not paying rent. Then it happened a second time, and her and her boyfriend couldn't provide a stable home for me, so i moved back in with my Dad and my brother. Everything was great during my 3 years of middle school. I had a normal life!
My dad was a single parent, and he worked graveyard hours. He paid rent, he was never behind or late on rent. Rent was something I never had to question about. My 8th grade year, my dad got laid off his job at Mission foods. They were getting a new implant, Taco Bell or something so they laid a lot of people off. He took a break from work of course, i mean who wouldn't?? The thing is, he never went and looked for a job after that. He was gone a lot, dressed up in his black leather jacket, and when he wore that leather jacket that's how we would know where he was headed. Ameristar Casino, Horseshoe, or Harrahs. Well i thought everything was fine at the time, I had no clue of what really was going on. I didn't think anything of it.
I guess we ended up going to court for the aviction notice and all that. My dad likes to procrastinate. He didn't have no other place set up to go, and we didn't even get to finish putting the furniture and stuff in the garage. Two days before we had to officially be out, My dad went to jail. Their was this lady that he was friends with and she said that he had hit her, when i know he never did because he's not abusive what so ever. He was with my mom for 26 years and their was no domestic violence with them. The police had my mom come to stay with me and my brother, but she was homeless too, and her boyfriend had got sent to federal prison. My brother was 18 so he had his own car.
The next day their are people in our apartment telling us we have to go. Half of everything is still inside, but somebody eventually moved it to our garage. My mom and i had to take my dads car and we had no where to go so we were sitting in very hot weather. And thats where it all began. That is the day my life changed forever. Nothings been normal since. It was the beginning of June. While my dad was in jail i stayed with my friend, and then went to colorado to my aunts to visit. When i came back he was out of jail, and we still didn't have a new apartment like i expected. It was my first year going into highschool, so i lived with another one of my friends that went to my school.
I stayed with her for about 5 months, but we would never wake up for school. We would skip, show up late, not show up at all. We would smoke weed and hang out with friends (i was already smoking back in 8th grade) and go for late night drives. When i look back now, i never really was so concerned as to where my dad was staying at, he always stopped by to see me. But i then had to leave this girls house, and you won't believe where i started staying next. Me my dad and my brother lived with the lady that had put my dad in jail for a couple months. My school was right across the street, but i still missed days. I was still smoking weed and drinking with friends.
My dad still hadn't got a new job. him and (i'm just gonna reference her as D) argued probably almost every day. Well one night when i was out walking around with friends, we walked to buckeys and theirs this girl i meet. She was cool, and she wanted us all to come over to what was known as the " trap house " everybody knew that house. We went over there, that girl told me she had xanax. I told her i would take one, but i get into her bedroom and she looks at me and says "Meth" . I definitely said no to that, but i stayed in her room because i didn't want to seem sketch. 3 adults come in this room and that girl had a big glass bong. It was passed around, and the person who i didn't know sitting next to me passed it to me, i didn't want to sketch them out so i grabbed it. i was gonna give it back to that girl... but i guess i didn't. I tried it. I tried crystal meth.
i didn't smoke meth for probably a month after that. I had a boyfriend and i didn't want him to ever find out. He cheated on me and immediately got with this girl who was new to our school. My friend T, his girlfriend broke up with him too so we became best friends. Well i ended up messaging that girl asking if me and him could come over. We went over there, and i smoked again. I continuously went over there probably 3 times a week and got high. I stopped going to school completely, and D got avicted from her apartment too. My brother was gone for good after that, he left on his own and never really spoke to my dad.
I ended up living at the trap house. I started staying there because my other homegirl that i've known since 6th grade-that was her house. So, the girl that i was smoking meth with E, she was friends with my friends mom. She brought me in once and i guess we all smoked. Since then i was always sneaking in to my friends moms room to smoke dope. I would be up for days. I've been heavy set my whole life so i went from 160 lbs to 130 lbs. I was never sober, i never wanted to eat because i wanted to lose weight. That was the only time i was actually happy with my body. All the teenagers would smoke weed and drink, i would switch back and fourth to go and hang with the adults in my friends moms room to smoke and then come back out and hang with everybody else. Nobody knew what i was doing.. but eventually everybody found out, and looked at me different. My school, the whole school found out. Mind you.. i was 14 years old, hanging with adults. Yeah i know, that's something i definitely shouldn't have been doing but it happened and i can't go back and change it now.
A couple days before my birthday my bag of clothes, the only clothes i had on me, and i'm talking like a big black trash bag full of decent clothes, gets stolen from me. That same day, my auntie calls me to tell me that my dad spent storage money at the casino. Everything my dads collected in a lifetime, got auctioned off. Mine and my brothers too. Thankfully, the lady who had bought everything that we knew was home gave us me and my brothers baby pictures, birth certificates, and all that kind of stuff. Soon the school year is about halfway over, it's april and my birthday is coming up. I met this guy on my birthday through my other homeboy, and my friend wanted to kick me out of her house because she was mean like that.. so i ended up staying with that guy Ace. He lived in a familiar neighborhood where i'm from so if anything happened i felt safe to leave if i needed to. He smoked meth too, and that's when i was really on meth every day. Me and him ended up being a relationship, until i missed a court date and had a warrant out for my arrest. This is May now. I soon get arrested from his house and stay in DCYC for 22 days.
My mom had finally got her own little place at the time, a one bedroom studio. I stay with her on ankle monitor.. and i didn't want to, i was strung out. During the end of july i cut off my ankle monitor and run with Ace. That didn't last long, i got locked up and didn't get released until september 14th. i was in a shelter group home for a month. I got back out on ankle monitor and completed my probation.
Not long after i got my ankle monitor off, D put my dad back in jail, lying saying he pushed her and she fell. She did break her wrist, but my dad never pushed her. My dad was in jail for 9 months, he didn't get out till last June. When he got out my mom got avicted from her studio, so then again we had no where to go. Also, i forgot to mention Ace went to jail, then prison for an 8 hour high speed chase, August 10th. I end up staying at Aces house with his mom. Then my mom and dad eventually start to stay there too, because we're all homeless. My dad paid his mom 100$ for rent, we had the basement. We stayed at his house for 6 months. Can you believe that?
My dad didn't save any money to try and get his own place. While we were there he spent paychecks on paychecks at the casino. I almost every paycheck he got except two or 3 the whole time we were there , straight gone! Ace got released for two days out of jail and i made sure i was gone from his house, because i was waiting for him since i was 15. I still haven't seen him and i turn 17 in April, he's currently still in prison. I had found someone else, and when we left Aces, i had to stay with J. I stayed with J for a couple months... and one day my dad FINALLY got a place!
You could only imagine how happy i was. I hate being away from my parents. I'm so close to my mom and dad, i probably tell them things most teenagers wouldn't tell there parents. We moved into a two bedroom duplex just recently, about 3 months ago. The first place, that we have had of our own since i was 14. It's crazy. It was big, and cheap as hell! Only $565 a month . The kictchen was big and it came with a washer and dryer.
Here's the sad part, it's already gone. We're getting avicted from this new place, and we have to be out April 1st. My dads been late on rent, and i guess he didn't pay nothing the last two months or something... i don't know. He blames my mom for us getting avicted. My dad had a job, and he lost it from missing 3 days in a row being at the casino not long ago. My dad then received $5,267 in taxes. He spent about $200 on me for some clothes because i'm so fat now that i've been sober, nothing ever fits me anymore. He bought me a samung smart tv, flat screen. The nicest TV i've ever owned in my whole life. He told me he paid the landlord. He promised he wouldn't blow his taxes. He's promised me that he's not going to blow any more money at the casino. They have all been broken promises. He spent that tax money he got, at the casino. And then, i come home from school and my TV is gone.
I don't know why he did that. He wants a place of his own, it took him 3 years to finally sign a lease and get a place. It was perfect. But now it's all gone. He doesn't have a job, and he doesn't have a car. My mom and him argue REALLY bad every day, and she is the one with the car so she won't let him take it because he would always sneak out and take her car to get to the casino. He's always telling me, "Dont worry, Dad will figure it out he always does, doesn't he?" and he smiles at me, trying to reassure me that he will figure it out. But the thing is.. he hasn't. It breaks my heart, because i didnt get to live the normal life of a 14 year old. I'm almost old enough to really start doing things on my own.. and i'm not ready for that yet when i should be. I'm still torn, i am not recovered at all. I don't want to be away from my mom and dad again. My mom wasn't in my life for 5 years, i eventually realized she was also addicted to meth and her boyfriend kind of.. dragged her down down deep. When i got older i had understood that my mom slept on benches outside and in tents and in cars during winter, having to carry bags on her shoulder to get some place. And i had absolutely no clue what my mom has went through, and that also still breaks me. And My dad had a little problem with it too, he would get high and be at the casino all night.
I just want my parents to finish raising me, i'm not ready to let go just yet. We're going to be homeless ... again . And i'm going to have to stay with my boyfriend, again. I was reading yesterday about gambling addictions, the effects from it all, and my dad needs help. He needs professional help. It is to the extreme right now. I've got so much stress on my mind, and often times i find myself really thinking about all of this, all of what i have explained in this text here. The good thing is that i've been going to school and i've been sober, and i'm not going to resort to drugs again. But i just don't know where my dads gonna go, or how this is going to plan out. Although i've usually been surpressing my feelings, I feel a deep sadness when I really dive back into reality of how things STILL are. My dad blew his last $400 check from his job and BLEW all the money away friday night!!
I hope somebody reads this, and maybe can relate or give me advice. I know this was a bit long. I feel temporarily better. I still have hope in my Dad and that we will all get through this.
If you have any questions about a parent who has a gambling addiction, please feel free to ask any questions.
--March 24 2019 --
-T
submitted by Tmariee14 to GamblingAddiction [link] [comments]

I could use an opinion. Maybe some love. (Very Long Read)

I am not good at writing even though I am an American.... Bear with me.
How to start this? I will make this short as possible. Still it is a story of the abuse I went through. So grab a snack or a drink if you want to read this. Its long. Real long.
My father, mother and I never got along. I was the black sheep when it came to the family mentality. I was a rebel. An outsider. My father would think beating me would set me right but, really it didn't. This began in New York City when I lived around Avenue K.
My first time remembering his abusive ways was when I was a little kid, going to school (P.S 115.) I cried that I did not want to leave on my first day... This embarrassed my parents, so when I got home my father tied me up (Hands and feet), and placed a chair before me. He broke a broom in half. Not the aluminum ones. This is the end of the 80s and the start of the 90s when brooms sticks where still made of heavy wood. He would raise my tied up legs so I was in a L pose with my back on the floor. He sat in the chair and my legs are now between his legs. He used the stick to hit the soles of my feet, as hard as he can. I do not remember what happen after.
Also we had this dirty furnace room. It was tiny with a water heater and other things. I think a air central conditioning unit. He would throw me in there when I do something bad and the furnace would make sounds that I did not like. My father said there is a monster in there lurking and he hoped it eats me. This traumatized me as a kid.
I also remember him holding my head. He is a pretty big guy. His hand did wrap around half my head. He picked me up and smashed my cranium through the dry wall.
Another punishment he does that is a slightly passive was this. Imagine you are made to face a wall. You put your hands high over your head touching the wall and made to stand on one leg... for hours.
Last thing I remembered before we moved to another area was that my father took the same broom stick and beat me like a pinata on my right hip. There was massive bruising there. I was limping. My teacher noticed and suspected abuse when I showed it to her. I lied though. My father made me lie.
Then we moved to Sheepshead Bay. I kind of liked it there. On weekends my mom and I go out. She will check out the fish market, where fishermen sell their catches. However, the abused of course continued. My father slapped me around for playing with a worm. I was 10 at the time and I know now it is normal for boys around my age to play with creepy crawly things. When my father slapped it was not the ones that make your face turn. No. He does it as hard as he can knocking me to the floor.
I misbehaved at school again, and my father woke me up at 1 in the morning. This was my first time being awake this late at night. He asked "You know what time it is?" And I remember shaking my head. He replies. "Its 1 in the morning." and I was confused. As a kid I thought night meant darkness and morning means when the sun rises. I remembering replying. "Its not morning. Its still night." I am not sure what what said after that but I do remember my father made me do the hands up and stand on one leg on the wall thing for the rest of the morning until the sun rose. I was tired as a overworked mule when I went to school.
There were fights between my mother and my father. Sometimes the fights got so bad, he spends the night at a friend's place leaving my mother in tears. Sometimes he got physical. Rewind to when I was a child, before I went to school. I remember I saw my first fight between them. I had to be maybe 3 or 4 years old. My mother took scissors out to defend herself and I can tell now my father is holding her back from stabbing him. It was brutal. I was hiding in the shadows, the far side of the living room watching. I did not understand what was happening that time.
When the fight was over my father took her to the bed room and locked the door. I came out of hiding, and saw drops of blood for the first time. It was on the floor. I did not know what it was. I remember thinking it has to be rubies. Like the jewel on one my mother's rings I like to look at when she held me. She wears three rings. I touched it and it was water, and I thought to myself "Water rubies?"
Now fast forward back to me being 10. I was tied up a lot, beaten, punished for the slightest misbehavior. Children around my age love to explore things and touch. My father hated that. When I would go shopping with them I would touch things, to see how they worked. I had a knack for touching things, looking, exploring with my hands. Taking apart my toys and see the inner workings and understand how it worked. It was my way to explore the world. I understood engines and car maintenance at such a young age. My father would take me to the junk yards a lot to look for car parts. As he is busy I would mess around with things. My hands covered in rust and grease.
If I was caught touching things in stores, when I got home I got a beating. Another way, he would make me hold out my hands, palms up. Then use a spatula. He would hold the flat end and hit my hands as hard as he can with the handle end.
I had a hard time focusing, cause of ADHD. My father would give me assignments during summer vacation. Such assignments are like, memorize the capital cities of each country. Where each country is at in the world. Multiplication, division. Making me write everything in a book he highlighted and it was a lot. It was hard. I just couldn't focus. He beat me if I didn't get it done or properly memorized. He will not stop until I was broken in spirit and refuse to get up.
One time he spat in my face for not getting a chapter in a book written down on paper. The mucus was all over my face. When I went back to school new school year, math was getting harder. Words and literature was becoming advance. Cause of this I could not focus. I was placed in special ed for this reason. I was bullied a lot too.
I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be like the other kids. Have a normal life. I even begged my parents to put me on medication to help me... but they refused. Because of the abuse, and how empty I felt, and realizing I wasn't a normal kid at the age 11, I wanted to commit suicide. Some serious people got into this and I had to attend therapy and special classes to deal with this for awhile.
Also my father is a Muslim, and around this time forced me to memorized things in the Quran. He'd tortured me, like placing a pencil between fingers and squeeze down on my hand. I can feel the finger bones around the pencil bending causing a great surge of pain. He'd do this if I get one thing wrong. What is worse, I did not speak Arabic. So to me, I had to memorize gibberish.
Age 12, we moved from New York City to Columbus, Ohio. There is a strong Islamic presence there and my father wanted to be around that. Shortly after the move, my mother who is a Chinese Buddhist converted to Islam. My father got her tapes that talked about the Quran in Chinese, so she can understand.
I was failing at 5th grade, and I did my best, but it wasn't enough for my father ofc. I would hide my report cards and lied to them I lost it. I did not want to show him my failing grades. When he found them, oh I was in for a world of pain. He told my mother to get out of the apartment. She protested but demanded her and she relented. I forgot to mention my sister, she was 4-5 around that time. So my mother took her too with her.
My father went to town on me. Tied me up with rope and tape. Gagged my mouth so I could not yell and started wailing at me with fists. He even picked me up and threw me across the living room a couple of times. Cause my legs and hands are bound, I was like dice getting tossed at a casino. I landed whatever side was facing the ground. He knocked my bottom left canine tooth out.
Thankfully that was a baby tooth. A new one replaced it, and its longer than the others. A reminder where the tooth had broke.
Another time I am not sure what I did, but I remember him tying me up and placing a knife to my throat. Threatening me to slaughter me like a lamb. He has put a knife to my throat so many times. Even now as a adult if my neck and throat is touched by someone, I wig out. I go from 0 to angry and scared when touched there.
Still I got into trouble. Still I was a trouble maker.
Age 15, my parents moved to Florida. In New Port Richie my uncle convinced my father and mother to moved there. Also the Islamic presence there is strong too. So it convinced my parents to move and try to make it work there.
The beatings have almost stopped. Like literally almost stopped. My father worked long hours and only saw him at dinner before I did homework and went to bed. The first time I was able to focus in school better. I was much more well behaved. My self esteem shot through the roof. I made friends. The hot weather, I enjoyed it! My uncle took me almost every weekend fishing. He would even get me rental videos for VHS to watch. ((One video was a anime that show tits. Oh god my parents would have flipped if they saw that))
I was a happy teenager! The higher taxes there made my mother work too. Both my parents are too busy working. I was okay with this as I barely had to spend time with them when I got a loving uncle. I got to spend time with my friends. The only trouble I would get into was messing with fire ant hills as I love pissing those things off. I had awesome teachers at, Seven Springs Middle School. My grades shot up, as well as my mental and physical health was getting better and better. I was tan and lean and was a handsome young man. Everything was looking good for me.
However, it was not to last. We did not stay even for a year. Because how my parents had to work like dogs, they decided to move back to miserable Columbus Ohio. My uncle gave my parents a massive roll of paper to use as packaging for the frail items like dishes and vases. This thing was heavy. I brought this up as this is important later.
In the middle of cold autumn too. The sudden climate change screwed my body up. I got the chicken pox again. So literally I got the chicken pox twice! Once when I was a kid and then as a teenager.
Cause of the school I had to go to, it was in the ghetto. I was bullied a lot. My father is less busy so the beatings came back. I was very miserable. Suicidal. Reckless. What even crazier, my father was a trucker. How he supported the family since I was 11. He take me in the truck on weekends and lecture me and beat the crap out of me while I seated in the passenger seat.
Then this day I will never forget. It's the day that changed me forever and I know it. Big story short, the day I got in trouble for climbing the open cafeteria windows to flirt with some girls eating lunch. When my father got home and heard the news... He loses it. Remember that big roll of paper? Well he took that and threw it on my head. I had to be rushed to the E.R and get 13 stitches. So much blood. I was concussed. Confused.
My mother begged me to lie. So I did to the doctor saying a large china dish fell on my head as I was horsing around.

The beatings and punishment got worse and worse. My father would make me stand in the middle of the living room all night some days. If I fell asleep on the floor, he'd kick me on the sides like a dog. He prohibited me from moving that sometimes I would be asleep on the floor and I accidentally urinated on my myself. So I had to run to the bathroom to pee out the rest before I made a mess. I would then go back to standing in the middle of the living room in the dark until my body and mind is too tired.
I couldn't take it anymore. I was cutting myself. Shop lifting. Stealing bikes. Causing trouble for the neighbors. Smoking. I was venting my frustration, my anger, and my sadness out by doing crimes. When I steal, I did not steal cheap stuff. I stole gameboys and games. I stole from stores, friends and so on. Each time I did it, I got better at it. I felt hollow inside once again and doing these things made me felt alive. I bury my head in games I stole to drown the world out. Make me forget my problems. My mental problems decline real fast too. I was spiraling out of control.
I was bullied a lot at school, so as petty revenge some of the bullies played football. I would pretend to go home. Once most the students left I would return in different attire I had in my backpack. I would sneak into their locker rooms while they are at practice and my fingers got real sticky for their money. Most did not use locks on their lockers and I did this a handful of times. Cause of this, people wonder who the thief was and no one suspected it was me.
I started to run away from home too. The frequency picked up on the runaways. If I had $100 for every time I runaway from home, I could afford a house or a super car by the time I was 18. I was caught a lot by police and they would send me though different children services. One place I visited more times I care to count was called the, Huckleberry House. A short term living place for troubled children and teens. It was like a short stop so children services can figure out what to do with the children.
Another time I was caught I was sent into a mental ward for kids and teens. Where I was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar. The medication help... but just barely.
Then I did the biggest crimes in my life.... I wanted to go back to Florida. I wanted to feel safe and free again. I needed money though. So, one morning I skipped school, and went to a supermarket. I set fire in the car isle where I know all the flammable stuff was... My goal was to rob the registers as people left the store for safety, and use the money to get to Florida.
I was caught.... Police took me home with a court date and everything as there was no substantial proof I did it. They had to look at evidence and footage. My father was at work, and he threaten to kill me as soon as he got home. I tried running away again but my mother blocked the door. I never touched my mother, but in desperation I had to. I pulled and dragged her from the door and ran out.
I was lost and confused and very scared for my life. Night settled, I was still determined to get to Florida. That is all on my mind. Get to Florida and be safe. I felt like I died inside. So night came, and I broke into a small collectibles store. Broke the door window with a log i found, I got in and took the register and got out quick. It was locked, so I took it to a feild and tossed it around and banged it with rocks till it opened. Nothing but change, but I took every penny, nickle, dime and quarter. Then I walked for an hour, and I went to Meijers when they started having those coin counters. I manage to get over 200 dollars. I tried shop lifting for supplies I needed on my trip but was caught.
I was sent to Juvenile jail in the Franklin County District in Columbus. I was let out a few weeks later, given probation for a year with some community service. It was to school, work and back home. Still, I did things if I knew I can get away with it, to feel alive. Stealing. Smoking. That kind of stuff. My father got more violent with me and tried to drill Islam into my head even harder. He thinks that it should help me with my problems. Beatings and abuse still continued and I was powerless.
Then the neighbors kids started to bully me. Beating me up and so on. On the last two weeks of my probation.... I made a Molotov cocktail. I was planning to threaten the bullies with it if they do not leave me alone. Well... they ran away to a cop that was rolling down the streets. Yep... busted. So I was given another year of probation and this time with an ankle monitor. Because I was still causing trouble in school, and I was bullied and I am violating my probation time to time, my lawyer stepped in. I was about to go to Juvenile detention once again, instead she manage to get me into a place called the, Buckeye Ranch.
A place for trouble kids to stay long term to see professionals for help and therapy. First day there, they cut the ankle monitor off. I stayed for about a year. There I learned to improve on my social skills and other things. I was taking my medication and making some strides. My behavior was improving. Because of the lack of abuse, I was happier. Not as happy as in Florida but never the less I felt safe and secure. I still caused trouble but, the stealing has stopped and I stopped smoking. I learn to grow plants, and take care of horses, and how to find a career.
I let out my feelings a lot more. A lot of pent up rage and sadness was in me. Later, time to time I get to visit home on the weekends before I had to return.
When I return I was 17, and my parents bought a house during my stay at the Buckeye Ranch. They promise not to hurt me anymore and things will be better. Boy was that a big lie.
Again the beatings did return and my father had to use more force as I was a bigger guy by then. Also, I drew a lot. And in Islam, drawing people and animals is prohibited. My father would find my drawings and burn them in front of me. So much art I had was lost. So, I kept them hidden. In my room's vent. The vent grill was coming out the floor and was not bolted down. Do I hid my drawings... and some naughty material in there..... What? I was a young man still going through puberty! Sue me!
My father had no idea. He would raid my room invading my private area randomly to search for things but never he looked in the vent. Then I would keep my drawings in a binder, in plastic sheets to protect them. I almost always leave that binder in my school locker.
The house was in Hilliard, Ohio and I went to Darby High School. I realize I was also bisexual around this time. I met my first guy crush there and he liked me back. He given me a necklace of a arrow head and a wolf to show his fodness for me.. My father found this necklace and thought it was offensive to Islam and took it away from me. He later admitted he took it with him on his long haul drives in his truck and threw it out the window somewhere in Indiana. I was devastated. It pissed me off to no end. Another chip on my shoulder I will never forgive him for.
I wanted to learn how to break dance, and I joined a club for that. My father did not approve and wanted me home on time. I defied his orders staying late at school to do activities. I wanted to do something with my life and in a more productive fashion! My stealing days was long behind me. Oh this did not set well with him.
Surprisingly, the day I came out the closet he did not do anything to me. I think the shock was too much for my father to do anything. Instead he tried to talk to me about it. It felt awkward. Strange. To be honest. I was expecting to be buried alive. That was short lived as my father would call me a faggot and other demeaning names cause of my sexuality.
I was a couple of months from my 18th birthday, and on this day was another event that turned me differently. I was practicing break dancing at school with my brothers (close friends at this point) and I called my mother to pick me up as usual. However my father was home early and she said he is coming to pick me up. I did not want to deal with my father because I know he will never approve of me staying after school and lecture me and smack me around. Instead I decided to walk home.
When I got home I wanted to just go upstairs and be in my room. No as soon the door closes my father attacked me. He punched me to the floor and dragged me across the hallway into the living room by my hair. He started to wail at me with his fists. He beat me until he was out of breath. He sent me upstairs, no dinner and after crying for a good hour, I slept it off. Next morning I ran away from home.
Another friend heard the news and told me he knows a family I can stay with a little bit until I turn 18. I took the chance. And for privacy I will say the husband is J and the mother is K. They had three children. Two twins and a young baby that was approaching toddler hood. They had a older daughter near my age we will name her R, who I thought was nice but was a bitch to me.
I took care of the young kids as payment for my stay. Fed them. Babysit. Put them to bed. I had to be careful though as they had a head lice problem and I was letting my hair grow out. I would comb and take care of my hair and check for any signs of lice in my hair. I did get infected with head lice only once and because I caught it early I was able to treat it right away. I was that careful. J kept his hair short as possible, so he can spend time with his girls without worry. The day when I turned 18.... I was free from abuse....
Oh I was so wrong on so many levels.
Living with J and K for awhile... about 6-8 months. I found a guy I liked online that lived in Dayton, Ohio. I went to go live with him and he WAS AN A$$HOLE!... The f%$#er forced sex on me a lot! Even when I was sick as a dog with the flu, he forced me! What is worse... he got another guy and tried to have a three way. This new challenger was even a bigger asshole... but you know what they say about guys with small dicks beings an asshole? It is very true with this new guy. My thumb is bigger than his "you know what!"
One day I had enough. Boyfriend tried to force his way on me, and tried hitting me. I upper cut him in the solar plexus and told him "No!" which made him cry like a little girl as he heaves in pain. Then I dumped him there. When he realize I wasn't going anywhere and I will fight back, he moved out. Leaving me with small dingle dong man.
Also the Landlord was gay with a boyfriend and they were Zoophiles. I walked in one day on him and his boyfriend having sex with a dog! It's. Still. Burned. Into. My. Brain. To. This. Day. God. Help. Me.
Also it was hard for me to land a job too. So I helped by looking after their dog and some other chores. Whatever... I needed a roof. One day the dog got loose when I went outside to do some yard work to earn my keep. The landlord came home and got furious. He started beating me up on the porch for everyone to see! Which later got him arrested.
His boyfriend got arrested too for harassing the police.
His mother later came to kick me out. A friend was helping me pack my things. We told her what her son (the landlord) has been doing with animals and she refused to believe it. Oh well...
I had a friend's mother come pick me up and take me back to Columbus, Ohio where I again lived with my parents. My father was sorry for everything and bought me new clothes and a cell phone. Because Social Media was becoming a thing around this time I had a lot of online friends. Two weeks living with my parents I was stupid to post my new number online and day and night I got texts. So 4 am I woke up to text chimes and I get up to go online to make a post to my friends not to text me on such and such hours.
Then my dad walked in. I am on a computer.... 4 am.... doing nothing wrong.... Yet he lost it. He went from 0 to psycho very fast. He grabs the keyboard and pulls it away from me so hard the cable snapped before my eyes. Time seem to slow down for me there as I witness this keyboard cord just snaps in front of me.
Then we had a shouting match. I realize... "He is not trying to hit me. Oh yeah! I am 18!" So I decided to shout back and we got into our first shouting match. He told me to get the [email protected]% out and never come back or else he'll call the police. I packed up my things and left him, calling him all sorts of obscenities. It felt gooooood. I was in tears but it felt good at the same time.
I stayed with a friend, until I manage to get a hold of some people I can stay with in Saint Louis, Missouri. They took me in, and lets just say.... their house.... should have been condemned as unlivable by the city ages ago. I am not joking. The basement floods, the house is falling apart. Bugs everywhere. Oh and they let a crazy cat lady live with them with dozens of cats and they were infested with fleas!
Summer is approaching and I am close to the age of 19. Then I met this man who later becomes the love of my life I am still with today. We dated and he shown me kindness and love. Honestly I wasn't use to this. I thought he was trying to butter me up and let my guard down. Sometimes in my head I am like "Okay what does he really want? There has to be something. This is not normal for this to happen to me." But, trust came slowly and I learned to love.
As for the situation I was in that time. I had a minimum paying job that barely covered my part of rent. I was behind. I need new shoes badly as I did not have a car or a bike. So everywhere I go was with my own two feet. When I bought new shoes and my own watch for the first time I earned with my money, she flipping lost it. I tried showing her my old shoes are falling apart. I had them for about 2 years give or take. No she wasn't having any of that. She kicked me out.
Around this time I was having a infection grow under my right armpit. It was getting bigger and bigger each day and turning all sorts of shades of red, blue and purple.
Also funny enough, the house I was kicked out of was condemned by the city three months later and everyone in that place had to move out.
After I got kicked out. My boyfriend got me to stay with a friend who was cool. He was out in Saint Charles, Missouri. Few months later we got our own home. We live together and happily.
However, my father would not let go of me in his clutches. My siblings would find me on social media and beg me to talk to him. I would cave and call and my father would try to guilt trip me into coming home. I would reject his offer and again would go from 0 to psycho that we have a shouting match over the phone. This would happen every two to three months as I tried my best to avoid talking to my family. Each time we talk, he would beckon me to come home and make many promises. When I reject he would mentally and verbally abuse me.
Age 24, my father really hit me in the heart. We got into another fight when I refuse to come home when I am already home with a man I love and treats me well. He knows I like guys and he used that against me with homophobic talk. Calling me all sorts of homophobic names. He finished it off with "I HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND DIE!"
Next two days it really impacted me. I felt shattered. This would go on and on. I would talk to him trying to set boundaries but he kept crossing them.
Also age 24 I got my first car. Even my father was critical, and verbally abusive. He told me I should have given him the money and he will find me a nice car. Now at this point in my life I knew something was amidst. He could have put the car under his name with mine and used it against me to come home. Nope. Not falling for it.
Also I denounced being a Muslim as I want to follow my own path in spirituality. My father and mother do not know this. I know they will both flip out. I tend to keep them in the dark about this.
Age 27, totaled said car in very bad and wet conditions. Got good insurance money out of it, and put it as a down payment for a Nissan 350Z. Again my father became critical saying I am too stupid to drive something that has so much horse power. Still have the Z to this day.
Also I was not being treated for my depression, and over the years I had no clue I was a ticking time bomb...
About 3 years ago, I had a mental break down. My depression got suddenly worse. Depression can not only make one suicidal but also homicidal too. That is what happen to me. I was terrified as I felt extremely suicidal and homicidal. It was not for attention. I felt it like the way I was starving for food or thirsty for water. I wanted to. The urges were powerful. I realize something is very wrong with me. I ask my spouse to hide my handgun. He did at his company he owned. Locked and hidden.
Also his company is protected by fencing and cameras and alarms. So I know there is no way I can find them in case I become more of a basket case.

I thought it was a phase and I tried to wade it out for 4 days. When I realize I wasn't going to win, I turn myself into the E.R and got into a mental ward. I felt shattered, broken, as if my true kind self is going to fade into the abyss forever.
The next 7 days they concluded I suffered PTSD, major depression and possibly boarderline personality disorder from my past of being abused badly. I was evaluated by 4 psychiatrist. A leader and three students. You know its bad when a psychiatrist (The leader) says "Because of your past Mr. *******, its not surprising you feel homicidal." I was taken back by this. Took me a moment to accept that... yeah it is possible I was feeling this way because of all the harsh abuse I've been through.
Also it did not help I turned myself in at the start of OCTOBER and people were watching HORROR FILMS with blood and people stabbing other people at that ward.
After I got out, I started to see a psychiatrist and take therapy for my BPD. I am taking a a pill to help with my symptoms and I am back to normal... mostly. Still get the urges to maim someone or jump off a building but its very much controllable.
Then my father called, and we get into yet another fight... I had it with him trying to guilt trip me home. When he got angry that I refuse to come home I stopped him. "I know why you are pissed I wouldn't come home! I left you like your father did!" And hung up the phone.
I mean it is true. His father bailed out on him shortly after he was born.
And here is the crazy part. Someone pinch me to make sure I am not dreaming. After that when we talked, he started to respect my boundaries and became more understanding. We do not fight any longer. I told him what I told you reader about my mental breakdown and he feels fully responsible for it. He even brought up Florida. He mentioned he noticed my sister and I were very happy to be there. We were healthier and flourishing. He mention regretting moving from there.
Reader, to me this is very strange. I am not sure if its old age or something with my old man. I am 32 and going to be 33 this summer. There is a little peace and a hint of solace in knowing my father realizes the damage he has done to me. Still, somethings he did I can never forgive him for. I know I given him WAY more chances he deserves. I still do not trust him at all, and I am keeping very cautious. I do however have slight optimism that he maybe changing just a little for the better.
Ah reader, my journey has been hell, but I am happy. Still with the man I fell in love with when I was 19. I have my own car, and trying to open my own small business thanks to the enormous help from my spouse.
To be honest, I want to cut all connections to my father. I want nothing to do with him anymore. Reader, what do you think about all this?
submitted by SilverlonewolfX to abuse [link] [comments]

What our mascots really are...

B1G edition...
...What's yours?
submitted by dacracot to CFB [link] [comments]

Quicken Loans hiring for May/June classes Downtown Cleveland

Hello, Alumni here reaching out!
Quicken Loans is looking to bring in a bunch of young talent to our company so I wanted to extend this out to my buckeye friends.
I have worked at Quicken Loans for 7 years and it has been a great experience. We are looking to massively expand our Cleveland Banking force over the next few months and fill our awesome new site. We are located in Downtown Cleveland over in the Higbee building (above the Casino!), here is an article about the site...
http://realestate.cleveland.com/realestate-news/2016/11/cool_spaces_quicken_loans_play.html
If you are just out of College looking for your first opportunity or looking for a career change, the opportunities are really great here. Please shoot me a PM if you are interested in speaking to a recruiter and I can set you up!
(Alternate account cause work related vs personal reddit use)
submitted by QLDave to OSU [link] [comments]

Which city will be the next to get their first NFL team?

Roger Goodell is always talking about growing revenues and sometimes expanding the league. It seems likely that Los Angeles will eventually get a team again, but what about cities that have never had an NFL team? What city will be the next to host their first home team?
City: San Antonio, TX Population: 1,382,951 Other Pro/Major College Teams: San Antonio Spurs (NBA) Pros: Located in football-crazy Texas, San Antonio is by far the biggest city outside of Los Angeles to not have an NFL team. San Antonio is growing rapidly. And while a San Antonio team would be the third Texas NFL team, the geography works- they're more than 2.5 hours from Houston and 4 hours from Dallas. But what's most attractive is that it would be easy to plug in an NFL team without much investment, due to the construction of the 65,000 seat (up to 72,000) Alamodome in the early 90's. It hosts the annual Alamo Bowl and other events such as CFL and college games. At 65,000, it would be the 6th smallest stadium, tied with Ford Field and just a little more than the University of Phoenix Stadium. Expanded to 72,000, it lands between Atlanta's Georgia Dome and Buffalo's Ralph Wilson Stadium. It would be newer than 9 currently in-use NFL stadiums. As the NFL seeks to internationalize itself, having a team this close to the Mexican border may also prove to be an attractive prospect to draw in Mexican audiences. Cons: The Cowboys and Texans may not want to share their Texas pie with another major franchise, even one far away from most of them. And while large, San Antonio is not a high-profile city. While the Spurs are popular, there isn't much in the way of major sports to know if a team would succeed in the town, and if they could pull enough dollars from Texans, Cowboys, and Longhorn fans. Likelihood: This seems to be the most likely place. An untapped population, international reach, and a ready-made stadium could make this a highly attractive spot for an owner looking to make a move with minimal investment (i.e. not having to build a new stadium, or get a local government to build one).
City: San Jose, CA Population: 982,765 Other Pro/Major College Teams: Sharks (NHL) Pros: San Jose is hip place in the heart of Silicon Valley, with beautiful weather and a lot of money. Cons: The 49ers just moved their stadium to Santa Clara, just bordering San Jose. If anything, they are more San Jose than San Francisco. With the Raiders in nearby Oakland, it would concentrate a lot of NFL firepower in one small footprint. Likelihood: Very low. The league would likelu not allow a team there with the 49ers on their doorstep. While a market can support two teams if large enough (Jets/Giants, 49ers/Raiders) adding a third would be too deletrious to those in place.
City: Columbus, OH Population: 809,798 Other Pro/Major College Teams: Blue Jackets (NHL), Ohio State Buckeyes (NCAA) Pros: Ohio is up there with Texas with states that take their football seriously. Columbus is the largest city and capital in Ohio, and is already the home of very avid football fans for the Buckeyes. I'm not sure of the politics would make this possible, but if OSU allowed the Columbus NFL team to use Ohio Stadium, it would be the second largest (only behind Cowboys Stadium) with a max attendance of 102,329. Cons: It would be the third NFL team in Ohio, next to the Bengals and Browns. Both of those teams have been historically not great, and along with the continued poor showing of the Blue Jackets and difficulty of succeeding in the NFL may make Ohio sports teams weary. Likelihood: Unlikely. The Buckeyes own Columbus, and the other two owners in Ohio (and nearby Pittsburgh) would probably not want to share their turf with a new team. Unlike Texas, this is an area that has been under some economic hardship and may be difficult to justify another team in the state.
City: Austin, TX Population: 842,592 Other Pro/Major College Teams: University of Texas Longhorns (NCAA) Pros: Like with San Antonio, Texas is enthusiastic about football. Still located a good distance from the current NFL teams in Texas, Austin is a city in the midst of large economic expansion. The University of Texas contributes to a fun, weird atmosphere that would make Austin an attractive destination for visiting fans to come into town. If like Columbus the NFL team was able to lease Darrell K Royal–Texas Memorial Stadium, it would again be the #2 stadium in the NFL wth 100,119. Cons: Like Columbus and their Buckeyes, Austin bleeds burnt orange. UT football is a big deal there, and an NFL team would probably be in competition for these dollars. While there is large support from Texas faithful and the very large student body at UT, it's not clear that there would be the same level of support for an NFL team right there. Asking for 200,000 football tickets to be sold most weekends in the Fall is a daunting prospect for a town of less than a million people. Likelihood: Unlikely. Austin doesn't seem like a city that has much drive to need an NFL team, as their sporting fixes are more than made up by a typically-competitive UT team plus the nearby Cowboys and Texans.
City: Portland, OR Population: 603,106 Other Pro/Major College Teams: Timbers (MLS), Trail Blazers (NBA) Pros: Portland is a growing city that doesn't have a competitive football team nearby. Seattle is 2.5 hours, and the two recently-competitive football teams, Oregon State Beavers and the Oregon Ducks, are 1 to 2 hours away. Portland is larger than many NFL cities and is very underserved by pro sports in general, and Oregon fans have shown a lot of support for their NCAA teams. A sporting culture, including a ready-made partnership with Oregon-based Nike, might make Portland a place to put on the radar if the NFL seeks to expand. Portland and Seattle can continue their rivalry on the gridiron, instead of arguing whose Pride Parade is gayer. Cons: There would have to be a new stadium built, and locals are probably going to put up a fight against any public financing or use of eminent domain to secure a desirable city location. This would mean a stadium probably built out in the suburbs, which can have mixed results. I asked some relatives of mine what they thought about local support, and they were decidedly mixed, thinking that Portland thinks itself too much of itself to allow something as base as professional football to succeed. Likelihood: Not the least but not the most. While there's no real muscle pushing a team to Portland, and Portlandia has biased me to think that locals will protest something as base as football, it might actually be a good place for the NFL to consider expansion to.
City: Toronto, ON Population: 2,615,060 Other Pro/Major College Teams: Blue Jays (MLB), Argonauts (CFL), Raptors (NBA), Maple Leafs (NHL), Toronto FC (MLS) Pros: The Bills already play one game a year in Rogers Centre (though it will always be SkyDome to me) and there are a lot of Canadian fans of NFL football. While the Toronto series has been a debacle for the Bills (usually meaning the opposition has as many fans there as the Bills, giving them effectively one less home game a year), a dedicated NFL team may fare better. With local support, Toronto has the sports culture, population, stadium, and most importantly money (check out Maple Leafs ticket prices!) to support an NFL team. Whether the local support would actually catch is another story. Toronto would also become the third-largest city with an NFL team, coming in just under Chicago's 2.7 million. Cons: For American football, Rogers Centre only seats 54,000. That makes it the third smallest stadium in the NFL, above just Chicago and Minnesota. Crowd noise at the Bills games has been lackluster to say the least, but then again, so have the Bills. They would also be in direct competition with the Toronto Argonauts of the CFL. While the NFL definitely has larger marketing and name power, the Argos do enjoy healthy local support and are one of the oldest sports franchises in the world. Ex-con players might create headaches for visiting teams at the border. Free agents might also be hesitant to make Toronto home, given that it's (really) cold and Canadian taxes are much higher. Likelihood: Very. Goodell wants to make the game international, and Toronto is the prime target. Buffalo seems the most likely team to move there, but it's far from guaranteed. Don't be surprised if Jacksonville sneaks in on this one.
City: Las Vegas, NV Population: 596,424 Other Pro/Major College Teams: None Pros: A completely underserved sports market along with a fairly high population. It probably wouldn't be hard to find a casino magnate with money to burn that could finance an expansion team in the desert. Cons: It's hot. The gambling and party culture might make it a hotbed of player misbehavior, as there's quite a difference between a rookie signing their first million-dollar contract in northern Wisconsin versus a 5-minute drive from The Strip. A new stadium would need to be built, and without any major sports teams nearby, it's difficult to know if an NFL team would be viable. The NFL might also balk at the image of a Vegas team, as inevitably there would be accusations of fixing and bribery for gambling reasons. Likelihood: Unlikely. The NFL is just too risk-averse to invest that kind of money into a place like Vegas.
City: Virginia Beach, VA Population: 449,628 Other Pro/Major College Teams: None Pros: Virginia Beach is one of those invisible large metro areas. Taking in the bordering cities of Chesapeake, Norfolk, and Hampton, the greater area has a metro population of 616,805 just in those towns. Expanding to the larger area and it gets pretty big. It's a wealthy area with a major port and some great tourist areas nearby. It fills a void between the Baltimore/Washington tail of Megalopolis before the Carolina fans pick up. While there is no stadium, there is plenty of room for one, and lots of waterfront that could potentially be converted to a beautiful stadium location. And while the Sacramento Kings deal didn't work out, it showed that local government and ownership groups may be willing to bring a team to this area. Cons: Not a high-profile place. An NBA team, especially one like the Kings, is significantly cheaper than an NFL franchise. The team would have to build a stadium. Likelihood: Could be a dark horse. Virginia has a surprising lack of sports teams, and is even underserved by major college sports. UVa is rarely much more than middling, and sometimes-competitive Virginia Tech is all the way at the western end of the state in Blacksburg. While they probably won't be much of a target for a team looking to move, if the NFL chooses to expand, expect VA Beach to be under consideration.
City: Birmingham, AL Population: 212,038 Other Pro/Major College Teams: None Pros: The southeastern United States is strangely lacking in professional football teams. While the dominant SEC dominates the local sports fans attention, it seems like fertile ground in which to plant an NFL franchise. Birmingham is the largest city in Alabama, and doesn't have a local team in the city. Cons: It is on the smaller side of NFL cities, and it's not a sure thing that the dyed-in-the-wool Alabama football fans will change their spending from the Tigers and the Crimson Tide enough to really allow the team to take root. Likelihood: Very low.
City: London, England Population: 8,308,369 Other Pro/Major College Teams: Like, half the Premier league and a bunch of rugby, cricket, and at least one NFL game a year. Pros: The NFL has been playing games in London for a few years, and fan support has been steady. Wembley Stadium seats over 86,000 for American football. While many Brits seem to find our American game incomprehensible (but somehow find a way to figure out Cricket), there is some fan support for the game. Goodell has publicly expressed an interest in getting a team to London sooner than later, so there is definite management support. Cons: Imagine the 49ers travelling to the London teams, and you're talking about a 20-some-odd hour flight. American free agents will probably often be very hesitant to go to England. The London team's travel times to ANY games, even those "close" games on the US east coast would be a huge disadvantage. Their body clocks would also be completely thrown off, and jet-lag would become a factor. Likelihood: Very, but I believe it will be short-lived. The logistics and other factors of having a European-based team in an American league is just awful, and I think over time that would bear itself out.
City: Omaha, NE Population: 421,570 Other Pro/Major College Teams: None Pros: Omaha is a growing city, and Nebraska's economy is one of the strongest in the nation. While the state of Nebraska lives and dies by their Huskers (located at the University of Nebraska an hour away in Lincoln) Omaha's distinct lack of any major college or pro sports seems to be odd. The Huskers manage to scrape up enough people to fill their 90,000 capacity stadium in a city half the size of Omaha every week, so I think Omaha could very well support a team. The midwest is underserved with pro ball, forcing most Nebraskans to split between the Rams, Chiefs, or Broncos. I work with a few people from Omaha, and they tell me there's too much residual hate of the University of Texas for Cowboys fandom to take root. Omaha has a burgeoning music and art scene, and probably wouldn't be a detriment to free agents. Cons: No ready made stadium, and a lack of too much of a metro area. Knowing how absolutely religiously dedicated Nebraskans can be to their Cornhuskers, I'm not convinced an NFL team can really gain traction. This might be pure college ball territory. Likelihood: Not bad. I think Omaha would be a good location, and could be a great place for an expansion team.
submitted by DontFuckWithMyMoney to nfl [link] [comments]

Visiting from Buffalo, need suggestions of things to do

Hello Phoenix! I (27, F) am visiting family in Buckeye, will be here until Saturday morning. The most exciting thing we’ve done is go to the casino. Starting to get a little bored. Looking for something fun to do within a reasonable distance from here. Interested in: Live music Cool bars, restaurants Shopping/boutiques Metaphysical/spiritual happenings Any thing fun in the sun, (we don’t have sun in Buffalo ) Pretty much anything cool or unique Have the whole day free today and my cousin said he will take me where ever I wanna go:) Thanks for your suggestions!
submitted by charlotterose75 to phoenix [link] [comments]

A life on the Edge... My life thus far. Pt 1

My reasons for writing this are purely my own, but I am choosing to share this story. Why? Because I am everyone and I am no one. I could be you, or your best friend, your parent, your sibling, your child. I could be the homeless man who has lost it all that you scoff at. I could be the billionaire that millions look up to. You are about to read things that may change how you feel about me, and I hope it's for the best. I am a human being, and this is a true story... this is my story.
Robert W: 12/10/1981 - ????
Family
I was a happy child, an only child. My mother had me when she was in her early 30s and then found out I would be the only child she would ever have. My family home was near an apartment complex where I met most of my early childhood friends. We lived in a nice house, but my family was not well off. My parents were two of the hardest working parents an only child could ask for. I was given almost anything I ever asked for that a child could want... even if it wasn't right away. I always had a roof over my head, and my parents stayed married right up until my mom passed away last year. I had the hand-me-down and thrift store clothes. All of this came at a cost. My father was often not around because he worked late night jobs for better pay to be able to provide for our family. I developed a very strong bond with my mother during my childhood. She taught me how to ride my first bike, gardening, simple home repair, cooking, cleaning, hunting, drawing, how to take care of animals, and so much more. I was highly encouraged to follow the arts and music by my mother. My father was the main provider, because he had to be. He wasn't big on the life lessons thing, mom taught me about girls, and about being a good person. We visited my grandmother and the rest of my mom's side of the family every holiday and it was always something to look forward to. My mother was my best friend, through the best of times and worst of times. I am grateful for the childhood that was provided to me.
School K-8
I completed 2 years of nursery school and one year of parochial school because I was too young to start public schools. I learned math and writing at a very early age. I was not even in kindergarten yet and I had learned multiplication tables and writing. It was quite a shock to then go into public schools and alternate learning about colors of the rainbow and nap time. I started hating school around 1st grade. I was bullied for being different. I was bullied for not wearing nice clothes. I was bullied for how I breathed because of an issue with my tonsils. I was bullied for my weight. I was bullied because I couldn't afford the nice glasses. I once had masking tape put over my mouth by my first grade teacher because I talked too much to a female classmate. I was followed to the bus stop every day and punched on until I eventually walked back home to have my parents drive me to school. When I was on the bus, it consisted of the entire bus singing mocking songs about my childhood name all the way to and from school. When I complained about the attacks and tormenting and the being followed around, I was ignored by teachers and admin and called an actor or attention seeker.
One day I was in the lunch room. I was having a bad day and kicked a stack of chairs. A random student I never had issues with before came up to me and asked me what my problem was. I ignored him. He slapped my glasses off my face, and they fell into my food. Him and his buddies laughed and went and sat down. When I left the lunch room and entered the hallway, he was waiting for me. He started by pushing me into a locker and saying something about my attitude. "I don't want to fight you" I said. Again pushed, and pushed, over thirty times by my count. A crowd gathered. "I don't want to fight you...." I pleaded. The last push bounced my head off of the locker and I came back swinging. I didn't stop punching until I was physically separated from him by two or more people. His face was cut and bruised and he was being tended to by the school nurse. The principal asked me if I did that to him, and I said yes, and I'd do it again. I was kicked out of school for a week and he was allowed to stay.
School 8-12
I got zeroes on homework but I aced all tests. I violated their attendance policy because I refused to go most of the time, yet I held a B+ average. (Still counted as F due to their policy) I missed my junior prom and some of my final exams due to being kicked out of school when a student said I threatened to kill them after the shooting at Columbine happened. I wore a trench coat and had long hair, I fit the 'profile' and I was already generally thought of as a troublemaker. I was thrown out of school pending an expulsion while 6 police cars raided my childhood home with warrants where they confiscated every piece of personal property I owned, including my computer, cds, journals, books, bibles, sketch pads, and anything that could be considered a weapon or made into one. I was then taken 'down town' and questioned about why I made threats to people when I clearly hadn't. After my 2 week hiatus I returned to the school sort of the antihero. I had found out that the entire high school student body had passed around a petition to have me reinstated to class after the baseless accusations turned out to not be true. The 📷principal had the petition shredded. At age 17, I was forced to undergo an intelligence test as well as a psychological evaluation to be allowed back into public school. These tests determined I was a "slightly depressed albeit normal teenage male with a grade 19 comprehension level." This is what allowed me back into school to finish out a senior year where I was never apologized to by those who wronged me, but I was respected. I found out that no matter what I did, due to the complications of the previous year I would not be able to graduate with my class. I would be a half credit short. I showed up just to spite them and did what work I felt like until that year was over, and then I completed the rest of my credits in an alternative work at your own pace school in about 3 weeks over the summer. My diploma still has what I consider the wrong year on it.
Guardian
I didn't date in school, I never had a girlfriend. The concept didn't interest me. That's not to say I wasn't interested in girls, but I was in my world of computers and sports and pretty timid when it came to making the first move. I watched as every girl I started to have feelings for would date my friends and be happy for them. When things weren't so happy in their relationship, I could always be the one counted on for advice to keep them together. A girl that I deeply loved and cared for never wanted anything to do with me but was always asking me about the next cute guy she was after. I played my role well, despite how it made me feel, because it was the right thing to do. The one girl I did try to create a relationship with told the entire school the next day all of the intimate details about what happened between us which quickly put a stop to any further attempts. To this day I don't think she realizes that people made fun of me because I chose her. I met a girl from the trade school I went to and we hit it off really well. We only got to see each other a few times a week and went to some parties together. I fell very hard for her, and all we needed was more time together.
📷One night we were at a party together and she was very drunk and a friend of mine pulled me aside to brag he was going to "nail her tonight." I smiled and played off what he had just said to me, and proceeded to not leave her side the entire night. I carried her unconscious to my friend's own bedroom and locked the door, covered her up, and slept on the floor at the foot of the bed. The next morning she had already left. She told me later on the phone that if she hadn't been so drunk she would have spent the night with me.
The night I would have asked her to be my official 'girlfriend' another girl at the party hovered very close by and continued to fill my cup with enough liquor to anesthetize a rhino. I was led off into the woods, one thing led to another, and when I returned she had bragged to the girl that she knew I loved what had just happened. Nothing was ever the same after that, and in my twisted sense of desperation I met with the other girl a few times and asked if she wanted to be with me, to which she replied that she had a boyfriend. I never saw either of them again.
Future?
I had a horrible school record, my GPA was awful, my dream of joining the military was dashed due to my now existing psych record. I started working at a great job at 18 years old for the same company my father worked for. It was hard work but the pay was good. I learned the value of a dollar. I was able to buy great things for myself. A nice car, an amazing stereo system for the car, whatever clothes I wanted. I fell in love around this same time. I enjoyed a few years of relative happiness, despite always feeling on edge and wanting to put my fist through walls.
Slavery I
My first experience with hard drugs was morphine. I acquired it because when I went to a doctor for the pain issues I was having they pretty much laughed at me. It was in my head they said... Physically, I was fine. The pain was still real. The medicine worked. Not long after this due to the company I kept, I jumped straight to being an IV drug user. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. I successfully hid my addiction from my partner, my family, and my friends, for over 6 years. Nobody knew how bad it was. You learn how to hide it, out of shame and fear. You also learn how to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and hurt others if necessary, to stave off the insanity that occurs when a chemical now dictates your every action and that chemical leaves your body. I was laid off from my job and quickly spiraled out of control. I went from almost $50k a year to unemployment. I started piece by piece selling off every material possession I could stand to part with in order to keep my head above water and make sure I could maintain some level of sanity.
Vigilante
I was walking with my friend home one night. It was cold outside and there was fresh falling snow. We heard a woman's muffled scream and turned to see a man strike his wife in the face through a large picture window. We knew what we had to do. We walked up to the front door and knocked very loudly. The man opened the door and I could see her bruised face cowering behind who I assumed was her husband. He said "What the hell do you wa..." and that's when I grabbed him and pulled him out of his own house into the snowbank. I hit him once in the face in the same spot he hit his wife, and then proceeded to knee him in the ribs until he begged me to stop. His wife came out to try and get me to stop but my friend held her back and said "If you don't call the police, I will." and they went in the house to call 911. I used my weight to hold the husband down until the police arrived. I remember him saying he wanted to press charges on me and the police just stuffed him into the car and gave me a look which meant I was free to go.
Death I
My mother found out when my girlfriend had to make a phone call to say that I had overdosed and I was on my way to the hospital. My girlfriend came home and found me with a needle still in my arm, not moving or breathing, and my face was blue. I had been dead for a few minutes. The first responder was a police officer who had known me my entire life and he was able to somehow revive me. I remember being very pissed off that I was woken up, and at the doctors who at first judged me, then showed compassion. They gave me antibiotics for my infected arm and sent me home. We never told my father. That night, I carved a line into my arm with a knife.
Slavery II
Sanity was an illusion. At this point I was not only selling things to maintain my addiction but also others'. I was involved with a few different people that would keep me hooked just so that I could supply them with money to feed their gambling compulsions and inability to pay for bills. It was made very clear that if I ever stopped I would be cut off. I was threatened often by these people, and even if not explicitly stated, I was made to believe that if I ever thought of quitting I would be accused of rape and be exposed as a thief and a distributor, meaning probably a life sentence in prison. So I did what I had to do. I also started combining drugs. I combined different types of speed with the high amounts (800-1000mg) of morphine I needed on a daily basis just to function. I combined different types of downers to counter-effect not being able to sleep. I vomited every morning I woke up and shook uncontrollably until I could manage to give myself enough to not look like a complete junkie all the time.
Recovery I
I checked myself into an inpatient detox. My only possessions with me were some clothes, and an engagement ring on a necklace that had been given back to me. I was very pissed off but open to trying anything. I felt that if nothing else I could at least get away from my life for a bit. I resisted all urges to go full inpatient for 30-90 days due to what my family and friends would think of me. After four days, I checked out against advice and skipped my follow up appointment. I called to ask for advice and they told me I shouldn't have left if I was still having these thoughts and issues but if I came back now I would have to pay for the entire thing myself. I lasted 9 hours before locking myself in a bathroom at a gas station to make the pain and anxiety stop.
The Good Son
I was living across town in a small house with my girlfriend. My parents had decided to go out to the casino and asked me to come by and check on the animals. My mom was quite the zookeeper. At my last count I believe they had 6 dogs, 7 cats, and over 30 exotic parrots. She hand raised and sold animals for fun and income. My affinity for animals comes from her. I've loved and lost more pets than I care to remember. I went over to the house and checked all of the cages, I held my favorite kitty, and even played with the kittens. I let the family dog out and she ran off... AGAIN! I waited around for her to come back and let her back into the house. I remember sneaking in to grab a few items of food from the pantry and a pack of cigarettes from my mom's stash, then letting the dog lick my face right before going home and laying on the couch.
Catastrophe
I was laying on the couch attempting to sleep. Whatever concoction I had put into my body worked enough to allow me about 2 hours... then the phone rang. It was my father and he was crying. I asked what was wrong, and he said "The house is on fire son... it's all gone.." I don't know if I even bothered to hang up the phone before I was in the car and I could see the flames and smoke from 3 blocks away. I stood with my mom and dad as I watched my entire childhood disappear. The firefighters were able to salvage a few photo albums and my parent's bedroom, but the entire house was a loss. This included the rest of my 'family' that was trapped inside, and I was the last one to see any of them still alive. When the smoke cleared... I couldn't handle recovering their little bodies. My girlfriend and mother spent days searching for every last one so they could be properly buried, and I wasn't able to be there for it. We had thought for a time that maybe the dog got out because nobody could find her... until it was discovered she was laying underneath the very door I closed and locked behind me on my way out. It didn't sink in until my girlfriend handed me the slightly charred collar and the tag that still had her name on it... Daisy. After this, I was able to return to the site and help with the cleanup. There was a lot of things that needed to be salvaged from my parents room and cleared out for insurance purposes. I will never forget the smell.
Death II
The details are fuzzy... but I remember waking up in a dark closet. I could still feel the effects of whatever it was I took. A broken rope laid at my feet... and wrapped around my neck. My throat was very sore and I couldn't speak. I slowly realized what had happened. I was alone... there was nobody in the house. I gathered myself and hid all evidence of what had occurred. I burned the rope. I told no one. I carved another line.
Dissolution
It was around 8:30 in the morning. I had been cut off for over 2 days. Insanity and desperation does strange things to the addict mind. I walked into a pharmacy and slid a note across the counter demanding they give me morphine and oxycontin. I held one hand in my pocket and did a lot of screaming. The old man behind the counter was afraid but resolute. "No, I'm not giving you anything" he said. I fled. I drove all the way home and locked myself in my room. The news reports started... describing what had happened and showing a very accurate sketch of someone who looked an awful lot like me. It wasn't me though... it was him.
Reckoning I
The man I had become had found himself in the back of a police car in handcuffs. After 2 months of lying and trying to hide it and being constantly questioned by the police I had finally confessed. I protected those I felt I needed to protect, and took it all on myself. The charges were staggering. I was told I would probably be in prison for 5-10 years. My father was finally informed of my situation and how bad I was because my mother and girlfriend hid it from him. He was there to bail me out. He was there to drive me to my first rehab. I knew I would be facing jail time. I knew it wouldn't really help my case. This was still the perfect time to check in. I had been in lockup for over 3 days and the worst of my withdrawal was over.
Recovery II
I checked into a rehab facility and it was determined intensive outpatient was best for me since I was living in a 'safe' environment. I was put on a replacement therapy drug called Suboxone, which curbed my cravings but little else. I was able to get a lot better, but due to the sensitive and complex nature of my involvement with those who kept me in check I lied a lot during my treatment. I was also not trusted with my own medication even after it was made clear it wasn't a medication I could really abuse. My very lifeline was controlled and held away from me. I went to court and was sentenced to 90 days in jail, due to my clean record and willingness to receive treatment. There's no need to discuss that time, it served nothing other than to remind myself how much of a criminal I'm really not. A bunch of guys sitting around in the same room telling me how I should have done it better and not got caught. Because you know they are obviously the experts at not getting caught. I sat around with people who were there for everything from assault to child rape. I sat with a former turnkey from the very jail we were incarcerated in. I sat with people so much different than me, yet the same. I got really good at ping pong, and read more books there than I ever had in my entire life... One thing I will always remember was the old man who I had tried to rob visiting me in jail. He told me "Young man, I knew you weren't a bad person, just in a bad situation, and I forgive you." So there was some good that came out of it.
Routine
I was released from jail and subject to further methods of control. "Are you sure you need 2 today? why not try just 1?" ... "You know how expensive this medication is? You should really try to get off of this, we can't afford to keep doing this" ... "Why won't you just stop? What is wrong with you?" ... "Maybe if you would just get a job instead of laying around on your expensive pills and going to those stupid meetings we could have a real life." I had 2 years of probation, to which I passed every test and goal set for me. I lived in a trailer with dog and cat excrement everywhere. Trash bags would pile up almost to the ceiling. I didn't eat a home cooked meal unless I made it myself or went to my parent's new house. If I didn't do it, it didn't get done, and I couldn't do it. I lived in a dungeon of my own design, because I deserved it.
Ghost in the Shell
I couldn't work in my condition. I sunk myself into the world of the internet. I didn't leave the house for fear of the outside world and not only what it had done to me but what I had done to it. I started playing online games again. I joined several online support groups and made friends with my gamer buddies. I told them enough, but not everything. I was able to help people with their own problems despite living in my own personal hell. I received updates, photos and emails from people that I was able to help through the worst parts of their detox, recovery, and pain management because of my fresh experience. I dared not tell them that for every personal victory they shared with me I felt more defeated. My friends and family became non-existent during this time. My friends online became my only real friends I had left. They were there for me when I needed them the most, and I became relied upon by them as well. I became the go to guy with all the answers. I solved problems, helped people, organized fundraising, and started to feel a little better about my life.
Schism"WHO IS SHE?!" Was the scream I heard as I was shaken awake from my spot on the couch. A cell phone was being waved in my face. On the screen was a single message: "Thank you for your help Rob, I love you!" There was a perfectly logical explanation for it, but it really didn't matter what I said. It didn't matter that the reason a girl would tell me she loved me is because I helped her through a rough time in her life and provided her with resources to be able to get out of an abusive relationship. She lived half way across the country, and was a good friend of mine. "Nobody would tell you they loved you if you weren't screwing them." ... "Nobody could love you" I looked around at a destroyed home with nothing but garbage piled up and fresh dog urine by the door. "I guess you're right, and I guess this is goodbye."
Exodus
My parents still didn't really trust me enough to allow me to move back home, so I found a roommate. An older Native American woman who became a good friend and we had great discussions about spirituality and life. I found myself unable to pay the rent she asked me to pay, and so I began to search for a way out. I made the decision to leave Michigan, and my hometown. I had unemployment still, and had just enough cash to be able to make a one-way trip somewhere. I convinced my parents to let me stay in a spare office so that I could have internet access and organize my trip. My group of online friends raised over $300 for me to be able to fix my car that would not be able to make it very far in its current state. A good friend in Florida offered to let me stay on his couch while I looked for work. There was a recent oil spill, and any able bodied person would be able to get work.
Buckeyed
I packed everything I could possibly fit into my small convertible, and drove to my friend's house in Ohio to stay a couple days. Her and I met online, we gamed together. We had a good few nights of drinking and partying**.** I remember her telling me she couldn't have her boyfriend over since I was staying there so I was getting ready to continue my journey but a mix-up at the bank had left me with absolutely zero money and options. I ended up staying over 2 weeks which seriously strained our friendship. I remember her daughter asking her why I couldn't stay and how sad she was that I had to leave. My friend ended up finding me some roommates in the same building and I never really saw her again. Larry and Andrew, a lovely couple let me move in with them. Being from a small town, this was quite a culture shock for me, but a life altering experience. I developed a deep respect and admiration for homosexual people that never existed before this because I was simply ignorant. I remember them urging me to come out of my room and have dinner with them. I realized I had become quite the shut in... I moved in with them and only came out for meals. It was all I could really handle. When I finally moved out, I lost touch with them and now wish I knew how they were doing.
submitted by EdgeLive to u/EdgeLive [link] [comments]

Things to Do This Week in Phoenix (January 1 - January 7)

Week of: January 1 - January 7
This is a weekly thread of things going on in and around the Phoenix metro area. All types of events are welcome, including focused events for different interest groups, kid friendly, etc.
Please visit the UPDATED FAQ for Weekly Events
Comment with your event below and I'll add it to the list. Thanks!
Before you attend, please inquire to make sure the event is taking place.
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Looking for the other things to do? Check out the FAQ for more suggestions
Feel free to add your own events below. Just list where in the Valley it happens, a cost if there is one, and who might find it interesting. Please also indicate if the event happens each week. People may be interested in trying something new but not know what is expected to get involved.
Please upvote people who share good/interesting events, even if it may not be something you will attend.
submitted by MrNotDucks to phoenix [link] [comments]

Era 7 Faction Directory

This post will be updated as needed and may not always be accurate. Just start reply to me anywhere in the post if you'd like something changed. Leaders, alliances and enemies will be added as the era progresses along with links to recruitment/lore/propaganda posts.
[Gem]
Neutral faction based on Deadwood, a western series. Purveyors of vice in Rustifac; whiskey, women and gambling. Notable aims are town building and a thoroughfare. Which is Canadian for road? I think.
[Native]
Neutral tribe of 'Rustifarions'; know for totally smoking out their teepees and having "Vision Quests". Buncha goddamn shirtless hippies if you ask me. They aspire to build a casino and arena.
[KFC]
PvP oriented faction thigh high in the chicken game. Last era they became heavily involved in trade and went to war over CRIPS-Y vs Original Recipe.
[CRIPS]
Historically, the "Big Rad Gang". Mix of play styles, know to be territorial but not outright hostile. Little is know of their plans as Peng1 belly slid right out of Rad Quentin and is presumably lying low.
[Cartel]
Neutral faction of gun runners and drug dealers. Led by a former member of Bartertown, this faction has what the kids call 'street cred'. #amidoingthisright?
[WKE]
Friendly faction with bad timing, formed at the tail end of Era 6. Has expressed interest in trade in the past, current plans unknown. Noteable achievements: Having a Buckeye. Vastly superior to the wolverine but is, in fact, a useless nut.
[Terminus]
Disappointingly not led by Gareth, Terminus is seemingly friendly. Have not confirmed whether or not those who arrive, survive.
[TTP]
Unnamed PvP-oriented faction with an affinity for crumpets and Earl Gray or neo-conservative politics. Contains former members of BP and reportedly acts like it.
[GOON]
Has vied for a foothold in small rad the past few eras with varying degrees of success. Also an unfortunate non-reciepient of love.
[DD]
After finally taking some sage advice, JackAttack began to organize an anti-KFC faction/alliance. There was less QQ, moar pew pew and much rejoicing.
submitted by anotherreadit to rustfactions [link] [comments]

Post 3: Captain Apocalypse

I made it, I'm alive. Like I said on my last post, I headed into Las Vegas. Around the outskirts, right where that old famous sign that said Las Vegas is, I parked the jeep and got ready to hitch it. The city, god the city is demolished. The strip is full of cars turned over and burnt with things like the Efill Tower laying over them. I walked past a little girls body today.... I moved from building to building, going as close as to the actual door itself, walking out in the streets is as good as me walking down the street with a blow horn whistling Sweet Georgia Brown. As I walked the only thing in the whole city that looked untouched was The statue of Liberty. Ironic right, our people go to hell and start eating each other, killing each other, burning every creation our past has ever created, but a symbol of freedom, of liberty, untouched. I figured that with all the rooms in all the places in Las Vegas, I could pick any hotel, casino, or neighborhood house and have the odds in my favor that someone wasn't living there. I moved into the Luxor hotel, I heard they had some real high class suites. I moved into the lobby and lucky for me the floor was wide open, no one could hide in here. For some reason, I think it was out of being so tired, I decided I was going to fire a warning shot, see if anyone would come out. I took out the pistol, the one with one mag and fired into the ceiling. I jumped, which probably didn't make me look like such a badass, but I forgot how loud guns were, and when your in a completely abandoned city, it, is, loud. The shot woke me up and I holstiered the pistol and grabbed my rifle as I dove to the poker table closes to me, flipping it as I readied myself like someone else shot the bullet.
After 2 minutes of sitting at that table, I finally got up. Moved toward the stairs, I was going to the top floor. Sure it was a long, tiring walk but it would also be the safest. At the top I would have a view and if anyone tried to come up after me, I would hear them coming 20 floors down. When I finally got to the top, I checked all the rooms I passed. I had to make sure no one was living next to me just a door away. About the 16th door, I was greeted with the best gift I could have gotten. I opened the door, and there was a dead guy, rotting on the bed. I covered my mouth as I moved toward the guy. I stopped as I heard a growling, A big, and I mean big, black rottweiler came out from next to the bed. He had some meat on his lips but it was from a can of whatever he got out of the mini fridge. "Hey buddy, it's OK, that your friend over on the bed huh? I know how that feels." I pulled out one of those peanut butter cookies I got from the gas station and broke off half. He wanted it, but he was cautious. Poor guy wouldn't have survived another week if I hadn't come, he ate everything in the minifridge and the toliet was bone dry. He was skinny, obviously ran out of food a while back. I put the cookie on the floor and left the door open. I got what I could from the minifridges around the other rooms as I saw the dog cautiously follow far behind.
I was almost giddy when I saw the Master Suite was unused. It looked like they had cleaned it the morning of A-Day. The living room was a sunk in couch with a huge TV. The bathroom still had running water, and one of the best things about it, there was still hot water. I lied, the best part was that the kitchen was stocked, and on, the food was still frozen! There is steak here, right now, I'M GOING TO EAT STEAK TONIGHT PEOPLE!!! It's night now, the dog is laying in the door, I think he's still judging me. I've gotten to calling him Bucky, it was the name of captain america's sidekick. You know the shield and all. I have cooked a steak, medium, and a side of fries, with a glass of coca-cola. Don't worry guys, I won't be eating like this every night, I know we can't eat like this anymore, but I decided now that I feel like I have place, I wanted to splurge a little. Under the TV was a whole selection of movies, one of my favorites to, The Great Outdoors.
I'm sorry, I had to go away from the comp for a little, I had a cry for about 12 minutes. After all of this, losing my family, losing the world, I felt guilty eating like this. Buckey came over while I was crying, he laid his head on my knee. I smiled and let him on the couch with me, HAHAHA he just very cautiously took a french fry. I'm so happy and sad and all of this. Haha, this bald bear get's me every time. This is Codey Rongin, Captain Apocalypse, and now Buckey, signing off.
submitted by warthog15 to I_am_the_last_one [link] [comments]

What our mascots really are...

submitted by dacracot to TheB1G [link] [comments]

Living on the Edge - My Life Thus Far

My reasons for writing this are purely my own, but I am choosing to share this story. Why? Because I am everyone and I am no one. I could be you, or your best friend, your parent, your sibling, your child. I could be the homeless man who has lost it all that you scoff at. I could be the billionaire that millions look up to. I am a human being, and this is a true story... this is my story.
Me: 12/10/1981 - ????
Family
I was a happy child, an only child. My mother had me when she was in her early 30s and then found out I would be the only child she would ever have. My family home was near an apartment complex where I met most of my early childhood friends. We lived in a nice house, but my family was not well off. My parents were two of the hardest working parents an only child could ask for. I was given almost anything I ever asked for that a child could want... even if it wasn't right away. I always had a roof over my head, and my parents stayed married right up until my mom passed away last year. I had the hand-me-down and thrift store clothes. All of this came at a cost. My father was often not around because he worked late night jobs for better pay to be able to provide for our family. I developed a very strong bond with my mother during my childhood. She taught me how to ride my first bike, gardening, simple home repair, cooking, cleaning, hunting, drawing, how to take care of animals, and so much more. I was highly encouraged to follow the arts and music by my mother. My father was the main provider, because he had to be. He wasn't big on the life lessons thing, mom taught me about girls, and about being a good person. We visited my grandmother and the rest of my mom's side of the family every holiday and it was always something to look forward to. My mother was my best friend, through the best of times and worst of times. I am grateful for the childhood that was provided to me.
School K-8
I completed 2 years of nursery school and one year of parochial school because I was too young to start public schools. I learned math and writing at a very early age. I was not even in kindergarten yet and I had learned multiplication tables and writing. It was quite a shock to then go into public schools and alternate learning about colors of the rainbow and nap time. I started hating school around 1st grade. I was bullied for being different. I was bullied for not wearing nice clothes. I was bullied for how I breathed because of an issue with my tonsils. I was bullied for my weight. I was bullied because I couldn't afford the nice glasses. I once had masking tape put over my mouth by my first grade teacher because I talked too much to a female classmate. I was followed to the bus stop every day and punched on until I eventually walked back home to have my parents drive me to school. When I was on the bus, it consisted of the entire bus singing mocking songs about my childhood name all the way to and from school. When I complained about the attacks and tormenting and the being followed around, I was ignored by teachers and admin and called an actor or attention seeker.
One day I was in lunch room. I was having a bad day and kicked a stack of chairs. A random student I never had issues with before came up to me and asked me what my problem was. I ignored him. He slapped my glasses off my face, and they fell into my food. Him and his buddies laughed and went and sat down. When I left the lunch room and entered the hallway, he was waiting for me. He started by pushing me into a locker and saying something about my attitude. "I don't want to fight you" I said. Again pushed, and pushed, over thirty times by my count. A crowd gathered. "I don't want to fight you...." I pleaded. The last push bounced my head off of the locker and I came back swinging. I didn't stop punching until I was physically separated from him by two or more people. His face was cut and bruised and he was being tended to by the school nurse. The principal asked me if I did that to him, and I said yes, and I'd do it again. I was kicked out of school for a week and he was allowed to stay.
12th Birthday!
School 8-12
I got zeroes on homework but I aced all tests. I violated their attendance policy because I refused to go most of the time, yet I held a B+ average. (Still counted as F due to their policy) I missed my junior prom and some of my final exams due to being kicked out of school when a student said I threatened to kill them after the shooting at Columbine happened. I wore a trench coat and had long hair, I fit the 'profile' and I was already generally thought of as a troublemaker. I was thrown out of school pending an expulsion while 6 police cars raided my childhood home with warrants where they confiscated every piece of personal property I owned, including my computer, cds, journals, books, bibles, sketch pads, and anything that could be considered a weapon or made into one. I was then taken 'down town' and questioned about why I made threats to people when I clearly hadn't. After my 2 week hiatus I returned to the school sort of the antihero. I had found out that the entire high school student body had passed around a petition to have me reinstated to class after the baseless accusations turned out to not be true. The principal had the petition shredded. At age 17, I was forced to undergo an intelligence test as well as a psychological evaluation to be allowed back into public school. These tests determined I was a "slightly depressed albeit normal teenage male with a grade 19 comprehension level." This is what allowed me back into school to finish out a senior year where I was never apologized to by those who wronged me, but I was respected. I found out that no matter what I did, due to the complications of the previous year I would not be able to graduate with my class. I would be a half credit short. I showed up just to spite them and did what work I felt like until that year was over, and then I completed the rest of my credits in an alternative work at your own pace school in about 3 weeks over the summer. My diploma still has what I consider the wrong year on it.
Guardian
I didn't date in school, I never had a girlfriend. The concept didn't interest me. That's not to say I wasn't interested in girls, but I was in my world of computers and sports and pretty timid when it came to making the first move. I watched as every girl I started to have feelings for would date my friends and be happy for them. When things weren't so happy in their relationship, I could always be the one counted on for advice to keep them together. A girl that I deeply loved and cared for never wanted anything to do with me but was always asking me about the next cute guy she was after. I played my role well, despite how it made me feel, because it was the right thing to do. The one girl I did try to create a relationship with told the entire school the next day all of the intimate details about what happened between us which quickly put a stop to any further attempts. To this day I don't think she realizes that people made fun of me because I chose her. I met a girl from the trade school I went to and we hit it off really well. We only got to see each other a few times a week and went to some parties together. I fell very hard for her, and all we needed was more time together. One night we were at a party together and she was very drunk and a friend of mine pulled me aside to brag he was going to "nail her tonight." I smiled and played off what he had just said to me, and proceeded to not leave her side the entire night. I carried her unconscious to my friend's own bedroom and locked the door, covered her up, and slept on the floor at the foot of the bed. The next morning she had already left. She told me later on the phone that if she hadn't been so drunk she would have spent the night with me.
The night I would have asked her to be my official 'girlfriend' another girl at the party hovered very close by and continued to fill my cup with enough liquor to anesthetize a rhino. I was led off into the woods, one thing led to another, and when I returned she had bragged to the girl that she knew I loved what had just happened. Nothing was ever the same after that, and in my twisted sense of desperation I met with the other girl a few times and asked if she wanted to be with me, to which she replied that she had a boyfriend. I never saw either of them again.
Future?
I had a horrible school record, my GPA was awful, my dream of joining the military was dashed due to my now existing psych record. I started working at a great job at 18 years old for the same company my father worked for. It was hard work but the pay was good. I learned the value of a dollar. I was able to buy great things for myself. A nice car, an amazing stereo system for the car, whatever clothes I wanted. I fell in love around this same time. I enjoyed a few years of relative happiness, despite always feeling on edge and wanting to put my fist through walls.
Slavery I
My first experience with hard drugs was morphine. I acquired it because when I went to a doctor for the pain issues I was having they pretty much laughed at me. It was in my head they said... Physically, I was fine. The pain was still real. The medicine worked. Not long after this due to the company I kept, I jumped straight to being an IV drug user. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. I successfully hid my addiction from my partner, my family, and my friends, for over 6 years. Nobody knew how bad it was. You learn how to hide it, out of shame and fear. You also learn how to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and hurt others if necessary, to stave off the insanity that occurs when a chemical now dictates your every action and that chemical leaves your body. I was laid off from my job and quickly spiraled out of control. I went from almost $50k a year to unemployment. I started piece by piece selling off every material possession I could stand to part with in order to keep my head above water and make sure I could maintain some level of sanity.
Vigilante
I was walking with my friend home one night. It was cold outside and there was fresh falling snow. We heard a woman's muffled scream and turned to see a man strike his wife in the face through a large picture window. We knew what we had to do. We walked up to the front door and knocked very loudly. The man opened the door and I could see her bruised face cowering behind who I assumed was her husband. He said "What the hell do you wa..." and that's when I grabbed him and pulled him out of his own house into the snowbank. I hit him once in the face in the same spot he hit his wife, and then proceeded to knee him in the ribs until he begged me to stop. His wife came out to try and get me to stop but my friend held her back and said "If you don't call the police, I will." and they went in the house to call 911. I used my weight to hold the husband down until the police arrived. I remember him saying he wanted to press charges on me and the police just stuffed him into the car and gave me a look which meant I was free to go.
Death I
My mother found out when my girlfriend had to make a phone call to my mother to say that I had overdosed and I was on my way to the hospital. My girlfriend came home and found me with a needle still in my arm, not moving or breathing, and my face was blue. I had been dead for a few minutes. The first responder was a police officer who had known me my entire life and he was able to somehow revive me. I remember being very pissed off that I was woken up, and at the doctors who at first judged me, then showed compassion. They gave me antibiotics for my infected arm and sent me home. We never told my father. That night, I carved a line into my arm with a knife.
Slavery II
Sanity was an illusion. At this point I was not only selling things to maintain my addiction but also others'. I was involved with a few different people that would keep me hooked just so that I could supply them with money to feed their gambling compulsions and inability to pay for bills. It was made very clear that if I ever stopped I would be cut off. I was threatened often by these people, and even if not explicitly stated, I was made to believe that if I ever thought of quitting I would be accused of rape and be exposed as a thief and a distributor, meaning probably a life sentence in prison. So I did what I had to do. I also started combining drugs. I combined different types of speed with the high amounts (800-1000mg) of morphine I needed on a daily basis just to function. I combined different types of downers to counter-effect not being able to sleep. I vomited every morning I woke up and shook uncontrollably until I could manage to give myself enough to not look like a complete junkie all the time.
Recovery I
I checked myself into an inpatient detox. My only possessions with me were some clothes, and an engagement ring on a necklace that had been given back to me. I was very pissed off but open to trying anything. I felt that if nothing else I could at least get away from my life for a bit. I resisted all urges to go full inpatient for 30-90 days due to what my family and friends would think of me. After four days, I checked out against advice and skipped my follow up appointment. I called to ask for advice and they told me I shouldn't have left if I was still having these thoughts and issues but if I came back now I would have to pay for the entire thing myself. I lasted 9 hours before locking myself in a bathroom at a gas station to make the pain and anxiety stop.
The Good Son
I was living across town in a small house with my girlfriend. My parents had decided to go out to the casino and asked me to come by and check on the animals. My mom was quite the zookeeper. At my last count I believe they had 6 dogs, 7 cats, and over 30 exotic parrots. She hand raised and sold animals for fun and income. My affinity for animals comes from her. I've loved and lost more pets than I care to remember. I went over to the house and checked all of the cages, I held my favorite kitty, and even played with the kittens. I let the family dog out and she ran off... AGAIN! I waited around for her to come back and let her back into the house. I remember sneaking in to grab a few items of food from the pantry and a pack of cigarettes from my mom's stash, then letting the dog lick my face right before going home and laying on the couch.
Catastrophe
I was laying on the couch attempting to sleep. Whatever concoction I had put into my body worked enough to allow me about 2 hours... then the phone rang. It was my father and he was crying. I asked what was wrong, and he said "The house is on fire son... it's all gone.." I don't know if I even bothered to hang up the phone before I was in the car and I could see the flames and smoke from 3 blocks away. I stood with my mom and dad as I watched my entire childhood disappear. The firefighters were able to salvage a few photo albums and my parent's bedroom, but the entire house was a loss. This included the rest of my 'family' that was trapped inside, and I was the last one to see any of them still alive. When the smoke cleared... I couldn't handle recovering their little bodies. My girlfriend and mother spent days searching for every last one so they could be properly buried, and I wasn't able to be there for it. We had thought for a time that maybe the dog got out because nobody could find her... until it was discovered she was laying underneath the very door I closed and locked behind me on my way out. It didn't sink in until my girlfriend handed me the slightly charred collar and the tag that still had her name on it... Daisy. After this, I was able to return to the site and help with the cleanup. There was a lot of things that needed to be salvaged from my parents room and cleared out for insurance purposes. I will never forget the smell. Dad, with Daisy and Aliyah
Death II
The details are fuzzy... but I remember waking up in a dark closet. I could still feel the effects of whatever it was I took. A broken rope laid at my feet... and wrapped around my neck. My throat was very sore and I couldn't speak. I slowly realized what had happened. I was alone... there was nobody in the house. I gathered myself and hid all evidence of what had occurred. I burned the rope. I told no one. I carved another line.
Dissolution
It was around 8:30 in the morning. I had been cut off for over 2 days. Insanity and desperation does strange things to the addict mind. I walked into a pharmacy and slid a note across the counter demanding they give me morphine and oxycontin. I held one hand in my pocket and did a lot of screaming. The old man behind the counter was afraid but resolute. "No, I'm not giving you anything" he said. I fled. I drove all the way home and locked myself in my room. The news reports started... describing what had happened and showing a very accurate sketch of someone who looked an awful lot like me. It wasn't me though... it was him. Have you seen this man?
Reckoning I
The man I had become had found himself in the back of a police car in handcuffs. After 2 months of lying and trying to hide it and being constantly questioned by the police I had finally confessed. I protected those I felt I needed to protect, and took it all on myself. The charges were staggering. I was told I would probably be in prison for 5-10 years. My father was finally informed of my situation and how bad I was because my mother and girlfriend hid it from him. He was there to bail me out. He was there to drive me to my first rehab. I knew I would be facing jail time. I knew it wouldn't really help my case. This was still the perfect time to check in. I had been in lockup for over 3 days and the worst of my withdrawal was over.
Recovery II
I checked into a rehab facility and it was determined intensive outpatient was best for me since I was living in a 'safe' environment. I was put on a replacement therapy drug called Suboxone, which curbed my cravings but little else. I was able to get a lot better, but due to the sensitive and complex nature of my involvement with those who kept me in check I lied a lot during my treatment. I was also not trusted with my own medication even after it was made clear it wasn't a medication I could really abuse. My very lifeline was controlled and held away from me. I went to court and was sentenced to 90 days in jail, due to my clean record and willingness to receive treatment. There's no need to discuss that time, it served nothing other than to remind myself how much of a criminal I'm really not. A bunch of guys sitting around in the same room telling me how I should have done it better and not got caught. Because you know they are obviously the experts at not getting caught. I sat around with people who were there for everything from assault to child rape. I sat with a former turnkey from the very jail we were incarcerated in. I sat with people so much different than me, yet the same. I got really good at ping pong, and read more books there than I ever had in my entire life... So there was some good that came out of it.
Routine
I was released from jail and subject to further methods of control. "Are you sure you need 2 today? why not try just 1?" ... "You know how expensive this medication is? You should really try to get off of this, we can't afford to keep doing this" ... "Why won't you just stop? What is wrong with you?" ... "Maybe if you would just get a job instead of laying around on your expensive pills and going to those stupid meetings we could have a real life." I had 2 years of probation, to which I passed every test and goal set for me. I lived in a trailer with dog and cat excrement everywhere. Trash bags would pile up almost to the ceiling. I didn't eat a home cooked meal unless I made it myself or went to my parent's new house. If I didn't do it, it didn't get done, and I couldn't do it. I lived in a dungeon of my own design, because I deserved it.
Ghost in the Shell
I couldn't work in my condition. I sunk myself into the world of the internet. I didn't leave the house for fear of the outside world and not only what it had done to me but what I had done to it. I started playing online games again. I joined several online support groups and made friends with my gamer buddies. I told them enough, but not everything. I was able to help people with their own problems despite living in my own personal hell. I received updates, photos and emails from people that I was able to help through the worst parts of their detox, recovery, and pain management because of my fresh experience. I dared not tell them that for every personal victory they shared with me I felt more defeated. My friends and family became non-existent during this time. My friends online became my only real friends I had left. They were there for me when I needed them the most, and I became relied upon by them as well. I became the go to guy with all the answers. I solved problems, helped people, organized fundraising, and started to feel a little better about my life.
Schism
"WHO IS SHE?!" Was the scream I heard has I was shaken awake from my spot on the couch. A cell phone was being waved in my face. On the screen was a single message: "Thank you for your help Rob, I love you!" There was a perfectly logical explanation for it, but it really didn't matter what I said. It didn't matter that the reason a girl would tell me she loved me is because I helped her through a rough time in her life and provided her with resources to be able to get out of an abusive relationship. She lived half way across the country, and was a good friend of mine. "Nobody would tell you they loved you if you weren't screwing them." ... "Nobody could love you" I looked around at a destroyed home with nothing but garbage piled up and fresh dog urine by the door. "I guess you're right, and I guess this is goodbye."
Exodus
My parents still didn't really trust me enough to allow me to move back home, so I found a roommate. An older Native American woman who became a good friend and we had great discussions about spirituality and life. I found myself unable to pay the rent she asked me to pay, and so I began to search for a way out. I made the decision to leave Michigan, and my hometown. I had unemployment still, and had just enough cash to be able to make a one-way trip somewhere. I convinced my parents to let me stay in a spare office so that I could have internet access and organize my trip. My group of online friends raised over $300 for me to be able to fix my car that would not be able to make it very far in it's current state. A good friend in Florida offered to let me stay on his couch while I looked for work. There was a recent oil spill, and any able bodied person would be able to get work.
Buckeyed
I packed everything I could possibly fit into my small convertible, and drove to my friend's house in Ohio to stay a couple days. Her and I met online, we gamed together. We had a good few nights of drinking and partying. I remember her telling me she couldn't have her boyfriend over since I was staying there so I was getting ready to continue my journey but a mix-up at the bank had left me with absolutely zero money and options. I ended up staying almost 2 weeks which seriously strained our friendship. I remember her daughter asking her why I couldn't stay and how sad she was. She ended up finding me some roommates in her same building and I never really saw her again. Larry and Andrew, a lovely couple let me move in with them. Being from a small town, this was quite a culture shock for me, but a life altering experience. I developed a deep respect and admiration for homosexual people that never existed before this because I was simply ignorant. I remember them urging me to come out of my room and have dinner with them. I realized I had become quite the shut in... I moved in with them and only came out for meals. It was all I could really handle. When I finally moved out, I lost touch with them and now wish I knew how they were doing.
Cheese
Florida never panned out... I ended up meeting a woman through some mutual friends and drove to Wisconsin to visit her. I stayed a week and when I went to leave she asked me to stay with her. We drove together to Ohio to gather my belongings and suddenly I was a resident of Madison WI. A place I knew nothing about. By far the biggest city I've ever lived in. New love, new people, new experiences, new dangers. I could really love this place.
Death III
I was alone in the apartment with someone I thought was my friend. He produced from his pocket a small amount of what looked like a crushed pill. He asked if I wanted to share it with him. He had all the means to do it. Without much of a thought I pushed the fluid into my arm and felt the wave rush over me. I remember saying I didn't feel right. "This doesn't feel right.. This isn't......"
I woke up being carried down the stairs by 4 paramedics and a police officer. I had a sharp pain in my leg and didn't fully understand what was going on. They explained to me I had to be revived and that I was lucky, and my 'friend' probably helped save my life by calling 911. He packed ice packs from my freezer into my armpits and in my groin to lower my core temperature until they were able to arrive which slowed the progression. The paramedics couldn't find a vein to administer the counteracting drugs because of all of the scar tissue on my arms. The only route left was a direct bone marrow IV that was stabbed into my leg bone through the muscle. While in the ambulance I confessed everything to the police officer who cited me for possession. When I was in the hospital the doctor told me that I had technically been dead, and they ran all kinds of tests on me to make sure my heart and everything was fine. He unscrewed the bone marrow needle from my leg and said "If I see 100 people come in with these, 99 of them are already dead... consider yourself lucky" and I walked home.
Reckoning II
I once again turned myself over to the system. I confessed and accepted my punishment. I didn't need to go to jail this time, but I was put on 3 years of probation with mandatory check-ins and drug testing. I participated openly and honestly in my time with my state mandated treatment. I found myself once again being the veteran in a group of people just starting their problems. All of us so different, yet the same. I was a little more jaded this time around, pissed off at myself for lulling myself into a false sense of security. I used that bitterness to put things into perspective for people that while had their own issues, should definitely know how bad it can get. We hid what happened from my family and friends. It was too painful and the very thought of it made me go into full rage episodes. I started to withdraw from my relationships. I started not leaving the house again. I would shake uncontrollably for hours at a time and want to break things. The slightest hint of conflict would result in me exploding and screaming. I still wasn't working, and I was slipping deeper into a deadly mix of anxiety and depression.
Hope
I had already enrolled in college at this point. My episode and run in with the legal system prevented me from going back for a full year. In this time I started my first new job in over 5 years. I was shocked that despite my history I was hired and allowed to prove myself and re-integrate. I was good at this job too. I stuck to myself mostly, and talked to very few people. I was considered a high performer and applied for a promotion which after two tries I was given.
Matriarch
My mother had been struggling with multiple health ailments since the house fire and had began drinking to cope with the pain and loss of everything she loved. She never got more animals, she stopped painting and creating art. She stopped living. I watched from afar as she sank herself deeper into a pit I knew all too well and struggled with not being able to save her from it. I was at work when I received the first phone call from home I had gotten in a long time. It was my father, and his shaky voice already told me what I needed to know. "You need to be here, son." and I dropped everything and drove overnight 14 hours. When I arrived, she was unconscious and unable to respond. The doctors told me that her liver was shutting down and she also had an infected heart valve. Neither could be fixed without at least the other being in good shape. It wasn't good. My father and I spoke with the doctors who told us our options, which were basically to make her comfortable. We signed a DNR. We started to mentally prepare for what was about to happen, and went home to have a family dinner with some relatives. We returned the next day and my mother was not only sitting up, but eating. Surprised to see me. She had no recollection of any of it. It may have been the happiest moment in my entire life. We were blessed with almost a full year with my real mom. She had stopped drinking, she started putting on weight, she was managing her diabetes well. She went out with my father and enjoyed life. The next phone call I received from my father simply stated: "You need to prepare, son." Followed by a call only a few hours later in which he said: "It's all over, son."
Straw Man
In my current position, I am looked up to as a leader and as someone who knows what they are doing, I've developed great friendships with several people I work with. One thing I can say for certain, these people know me better than anyone else in my life. They are getting to know the real me. The real me that has overcome many obstacles in life. The person I am striving to be. They also see the carefully crafted facade put on by a man hanging by a thread. None of them knew I would put on a great performance and then then go home and lock myself in a darkened room until I stopped shaking. Through all this I remained strong and poured myself into my job, trying to be the best I could be at it.
Struggle
When I couldn't do it at home, I would drive somewhere and sit in my car until I could face the world again. I would come home to a girlfriend and then wife and not be able to speak to her. I couldn't put this kind of pressure on her, nobody deserves that. I would go to social gatherings, and if I started to get uncomfortable and anxious I would drink myself to near unconsciousness. I started avoiding home, I started avoiding friends, I started avoiding life. I would force myself to attend events and gatherings just to appear somewhat normal. People started noticing. People stopped inviting me out. I wasn't about to let my issues destroy what social life I've constructed, and so I made it clear I still wanted to be invited. I would leave work and then find an excuse to not go home until I was ready to face whatever life issues awaited me.
Fracture
The monster inside me had began to drive a wedge between my true self and those closest to me. I began to shake and get edgy at the very mention of any type of decision or conflict. What restaurant to eat at, which gas station to go to, which present to buy for someone's kid. I found myself becoming very uncomfortable in normal situations. I started avoiding anything that made me uncomfortable, which was almost everything. Being around negative people always made it worse. I've always been one to absorb the very energies projected by those around me. I surround myself with positive people because they make me feel good, and it costs them nothing. When I'm around negative people, the cost usually results in me being a complete mess by the end of the day. Through no fault of their own, almost every person I surrounded myself with started to affect me in very irregular ways. I couldn't tell them, because they wouldn't understand and how could they? The worse I got, the more their happy news and lives disturbed me because I couldn't have it myself. I started having the attacks every day. I would disappear into a side room or go sit in my car for my breaks. I would go home and then immediately throw on my headphones to shut out the world.
Cataclysm
My personal life had finally become fully enveloped by my life long issues. I was no longer a functioning man. I was no longer a functioning husband. I was quickly becoming what I feared and hated the most, my old self. I had everything in my hands. I was by myself in my apartment and nobody would have to know. I prepared what might as well have been cyanide because it was crafted for the same purpose once it entered my body. I started to shake, and I thought of my mother first... and then my closest friends... and then everyone else that had no clue what i was about to do to myself... and how shocked and hurt they would all be. I mustered the strength then to destroy what I had crafted to end my life. And held what remained over a the flame of a candle. That night, all of them saved my life.
Epiphany
All of my life I have been told it's all in my head or I'm making it up. The worst thing is realizing they were probably all right. What frustrated me to no end is that it's not an answer. I've been treated for depression, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, IBS, chronic headaches, and multiple other medical issues with no real resolution. In the end it was one person who broke through to me, and helped me realize it was in fact all in my head, and that didn't mean I was crazy, I just needed help. I listed off my issues I was experiencing as they checked each of them off a list they have experienced themselves and they told me one thing. I'm not that damn special. I'm not so special that I'm the only one who goes through this. They gave a glimpse into a world I was vastly unfamiliar with, and I saw myself looking into a mirror as they described how their problems affect them and what they do to cope, and that it is possible to get better, but it will be very hard.
Awakening
I was unable to drive myself. I had someone I trust drive me to my first appointment. I shuffled my feet the entire way until I was inside the closed examination room and broke down. "What brings you in today?" The doctor asked me. "I need help... please.." was all I could manage to say. He asked me several yes or no questions and I started to calm down and talk to him. We discussed the medications he was going to put me on, and what he recommended I do next. Hearing "You aren't the worst case we've seen." at my first therapy appointment was re-assuring. We discussed a lot in 2 hours and put forth a plan of action to start me on the right path.
Enduring
What I do now determines my very existence. I can choose to hide behind my past and continue to struggle, or finally fight back and take back control of my life. I already know it will not be easy, but nothing in my life has been easy. That's why I am the man I am today, that's why I'm able to tell my story. I may even have stumbles along the way, but hardly anything can possibly match what I've already been through. I'm a survivor, a fighter, and I refuse to let this be the one thing that takes me out. I have no clue what the future holds, but one thing I know about the future, is that it will be nothing like my past.
Living
To be continued...
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